Ultimate Guide To BDSM Safe Words

Guide To Safe Words

By Ksenia Sobchak

No matter how much pain you can handle, there is always that point where it actually becomes too much. When it comes to BDSM, every play is designed to deliver intense sensations that may become too much to bear at the given time. To ensure the safety of the submissive, the safe word is created to ensure that the game stops immediately it is uttered.

However, bondage sometimes involves the limitation of the power of speech. For this reason, safe gestures are implemented to ensure that the game stays within the boundaries. To start you off, here is a breakdown of the two categories to ensure that you fully understand what is required in each instance

Verbal

Some of the situations that warrant a safe word include;

• The submissive is panicking and wants to stop the play.
• The pain is too much and they cannot take it anymore.
• The game has taken an unexpected turn and the submissive is uncomfortable with the situation.
• The submissive is suffocating or the breath play feels too intense for them to bear.
• The submissive feels like the dominant is advancing to fast for them and they feel uncomfortable.
• The submissive is feeling nauseated or is suffering from a dizzy spell.
• The submissive utters a cautionary safe word to pause the play. This may be so that they catch a breath or take the break to discuss something vital with the dominant.

Choosing Your Safe Word

When it comes to choosing the actual word, always ensure that you keep it simple. The words yes and no do not count as they are uttered too many times and the submissive may not actually mean the no as a sign to stop. To ensure that you have the right word, ensure that it is short and very easy to remember.

The traffic light system is a great effective way of having a simple yet effective combination of safe words that include cautionary words if needed. Green is uttered to let the dominant know that whatever they are doing feels great and it is absolutely safe to keep at it. Yellow lets the dominant know that it is time to take it slower as things are getting a bit thick. This cautionary word lets the dominant know that you are just about to reach your threshold. Red is uttered when the submissive is uncomfortable or cannot take the pain anymore. This word lets the submissive know that they should stop immediately and let the submissive out.

Whichever safe words you use, always ensure that it is a word that will be recognized immediately because of its uniqueness in the play or the humor in it; something like ‘pineapples’.

Gestures

BDSM involves a bit of sensory deprivation, and the power of speech is definitely one of the senses that most often get deprived. However, this does not mean that a safe gesture should not be discussed beforehand. The gesture should be something so evident that it does not get confused as part of the reactions due to the sensations inflicted. Some of these gestures include but are not limited to;

• Opening and closing the hands repeatedly.
• Blinking for a couple of times, usually the set number of times.
• Nodding or shaking the head for as many times as was agreed.
• If possible, keep a bell nearby that the submissive can reach and ring when the time comes.
• If the play is near a surface, tapping the surface a number of times can also be the set gesture.
• Snapping the fingers is also a viable choice. However, ensure that the environment is quiet so that the finger snap can be heard.
• Grunting or a guttural loud noise is sufficient enough if it can be heard. However, ensure that this is doable with the intended play.
• If you can, hold an object throughout the play and when the time comes just drop the item. Ensure that the item of choice will produce an unmistakably loud noise when it hits the ground. 

Safe words are intended for the safety of the submissive. However, as the dominant, always check for signs of distress frequently throughout the play session to ensure that the submissive is totally safe.