Free UK Shipping - Plain Packaging - Same Day Dispatch
Free UK Shipping - Plain Packaging - Same Day Dispatch
Skip to content


You will often find couples in the BDSM activities who do not want anything to do with pain. Some you can be dominant when you are a vanilla include; working on your confidence, knowing your partner's needs, and being inventive.

It is difficult to be dominant and vanilla simultaneously. You often want to have fun through the BDSM activities, but you do not want to inflict pain on your partner. You want to have a gentle and lovey-dovey experience but want to explore the activities. Being in bondage and having complete control and power over your partner does not mean that you need to be rough with them. You do not have to inflict pain on them to show your domineering side. You need to start it in a slow process. It is a work in process. Some of how you can be dominant and vanilla simultaneously, include;

Work On the Confidence Part

Consider working on your attitude when you are confident. A partner must feel your presence. It would help if you had some inbuilt confidence for all of these to happen. This will make you avoid looking timid when taking complete control and power over your partner. You may try to hide it by being cocky, but you will look like an insecure person.

Learning to be confident is never an easy thing. Learn to embrace it and take the lessons slowly. When having sex, you can make some moves to give you some control over your partner for a while. This will make you build your confidence slowly until you get the hang of it. Consider practicing having full power over them when you feel comfortable.

Get To Know Your Partner’s Needs

Being dominant comprises different ways. Therefore, you must learn about your partner's needs to help know how you can take charge of them and cater to their sexual needs. Ensure you know if they want you to be aggressive or loving and caring with them. Some may not want to feel any pain but will want to include gentle bondage games such as tying the scarf on the wrists.

According to Cho (1997), find out what your partner wants you to do to them while they are submissive, and ensure that is what you deliver to them. Ask your partner what you should avoid when dominating them. Ensure this is what you have discussed with them before starting the games. Being in control means you have taken away their choices but not their consent.

Be Creative and Inventive

once you have noticed that you have gotten the hang of being the dominant one, come up with different ideas and introduce them to the bedroom. You can also mix it up with what you have been doing presently. Let them be surprised with your next move. You are the one who is in charge and has all the power. Some of the invented games sometimes turn one hot, and you are in a position to be extremely turned on.

Coming up with different sexual activities during bondage plays will remind your partner that you are the one in charge, and they will keep giving out their complete power to you, and you can do as you wish, as Weinberg (1984) showed. You will always catch your partner off-guard is always the icing on the bigger cake. The best way is not to be too predictable if you want your partner to feel pleasure. However, do not make the habit of introducing things every time you have sex. let your partner get used to the one you are practicing and then introduce it later.

Begin With Psychological Domination

De Neef et al. (2019) stated that Dominance is known to be all about physical power and control. It might be so, but the best thing that would make it worth it is if you try and dominate your partner mentally. Try to create a positive and strong relationship between the two of you. be present and try and take charge of them mentally. Try to make the decisions in your hands and be the ones to decide. Your partner may not be after the physical dominance but after the psychological dominance.

Be Aggressive but In a Gentle Manner

While you are a newbie to these games, you should try and be gentle with your partner although you are aggressive. Spanking is a way you can be aggressive but in a gentle way. It might be intense, but you will not feel hurt or pain. You can also try to maltreat your partner but in a gentle way. You can pin them down and make them be in a position that you want them in. Being aggressive does not necessarily mean being physical; it can also be in your attitude. Be demanding and get them to do what you want but do not lay your hands on them. However, ensure you have spoken with your partner, and this is what they have given you consent, or else it can turn them off, and it may not be pleasurable for them.


Remember that it is all about your partner's pleasure during the dominating play. You will also be pleasured by being in control and having all the power over the submissive partner. However, all the activities will make your partner feel great, desired, and eventually please them. You should know that just because your partner has given you all the consent and complete control and power over you does not mean that you can do whatever you want with them. It is also upon you to make them feel well taken care of. You should also be able to embrace the responsibility that comes with it if you want to take charge of things in the bedroom. Ensure to communicate with your partner before introducing other sexual activities. Thia helps to learn your partner’s sexual desires and what they term good sex. Embrace being dominant while being vanilla to explore more sexual pleasures.


Bauer, R. (2008). Transgressive And Transformative Gendered Sexual Practices And White Privileges: The Case Of The Dyke/Trans-BDSM Communities. Women's Studies Quarterly, 36(3/4), 233-253.

Cho, S. K. (1997). Converging Stereotypes In Racialized Sexual Harassment: Where The Model Minority Meets Suzie Wong. J. Gender Race & Just., 1, 177.

De Neef, N., Coppens, V., Huys, W., & Morrens, M. (2019). Bondage-Discipline, Dominance-Submission, And Sadomasochism (BDSM) From An Integrative Biopsychosocial Perspective: A Systematic Review. Sexual Medicine, 7(2), 129-144.

Weinberg, M. S., Williams, C. J., & Moser, C. (1984). The Social Constituents Of Sadomasochism. Social Problems, 31(4), 379-389.