Content Verification

Written by:✓

Tatyana Dyachenko
Psychologist and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

By Tatyana Dyachenko

We’re not shrinking violets, are we, girls? Well, we certainly shouldn’t be. I’m not suggesting that we should act as some men do, although you absolutely have the right to. I think, generally, women conduct themselves with more class than the average male ‘player’ and we really shouldn’t be aiming that low.

I know that women have every right to behave in the same way a man does, without being subjected to vile and crude names. However, do we really want to sink to their level? On the other hand, we shouldn’t pretend that we’re creatures of the highest virtue and that we’re not interested in sex. But, I believe there is a middle ground. We can behave like ladies and still be direct about what we want and how we want it.

1. Don’t Feel That You Have to Wait for Your Lover to Make the First Move

An incredibly large number of women still think that it’s a man’s job to instigate sex. He’ll let you know when he wants it and, if he doesn’t, great – you have the night off! Somewhere in there, we seem to have forgotten that women have needs, too. If you’re feeling amorous, there is nothing wrong with expressing this desire to your lover, either through verbal or non-verbal signals. Don’t for one second think that men won’t find this forward approach attractive, because they love to be seduced just as much as we do.

2. Don’t be Afraid to Tell Your Lover What You Want or Need From Him

The problem many women have is that they’re too shy to voice their desires in the bedroom. This may be because they don’t feel that it is their place to tell their lovers “what to do”, they are concerned about bruising his ego or that they simply believe it’s a man’s reasonability to ‘know’ what a woman needs to bring her to climax. In either case, if this is what you think, you’re wrong. Take responsibility for your own orgasm and realize that men are usually grateful for any advice you can give them.

3. Remember, There is a Difference Between Being Assertive and Aggressive

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking aggressive – I think it has it’s place. However, you shouldn’t feel that you need to play a dominate role in order to take charge of your own sexual enjoyment. To my mind, sex is all about partnership and there should be a natural ebb and flow as to who is the dominant figure within that partnership, ideally! However, in all instances, both partners should feel comfortable and experience pleasure from every sexual encounter.

In the past, the balance of power has been too heavily weighted on the male side. For, several centuries (in most cultures), sex has all been about when and how the man wants it. Thankfully, over the last few decades, attitudes have been changing. However, it’s up to us to ensure that the change continues. Taking charge in the bedroom isn’t about behaving in a masculine or aggressive way, but it is about owning your sexuality and ensuring that you’re fulfilled.