5 Golden Rules For Having Sex With Your Ex

Having sex with your ex sounds like a vibe with a nice ring. Waiting a while, keeping away from memory lane, holding out against old habits, choosing the conversations carefully, and foreshadowing the end are the five rules you need to remember before flinging with your ex. Having sex with your ex is not a walk in the park, but you can pull it off with these rules.

A few months later, you miss that soul, your ex. It will be, for some reason, maybe emotional or sexual. Mostly it's always for sexual reasons, and if this is the case, you are at the right place. Maybe you have heard or encountered people who have had a fling with their ex. Perhaps you have also been in a position where you want to have sex with your ex or have done it. It’s no big deal to have sex with your ex; more so, there is something peculiarly magnetic about slipping back into familiar sheets. But as you indulge in these inconvenient pleasures, you should keep a few golden rules in mind.  

Wait For A While  

There is a reason why the person is your ex. Drucker & Maciariello (2018) explained that no matter the terms you are in, you must give them space before considering the whole 'friends with benefits' thing. This period will also help you self-analyze and determine whether that is a good idea. Remember that emotions will still be present no matter the type of breakup you had, whether detailed, mutual, or cheating. Of course, you don't just delete feelings after a breakup. Getting back in the sheets after a breakup is not a good idea. However, this doesn't mean it cannot happen, but be patient and take your time. This way, you will not regret later by rushing things. Rothblum & Weinstock (2014) stated that suggesting sex after a breakup may easily come off as a red flag and may suggest how you view your now Ex.

Keep Away From Memory Lane. 

First, you will want to get some playtime with your past partner to facilitate the fling. But when doing this, Porter (2018) explained that you ought not to use Nostalgia as a strategy to make your Ex come around. You must understand that the brain tends to be selective on the memories it resolves to clutch on. In this case, if your past partner starts looking back into the good old days you shared, they may get the sense that they are better off without you around. Although it may work in your favor, Nostalgia is kind of a risky strategy since you cannot predict the outcome. The most reliable choice is to focus on the present. Avoid stirring up memories that could potentially put someone off. Remember that after a breakup, everyone wants to move on with their separate lives, and part of that is based on forgetting about that past relationship.

Choose Your Conversations Carefully

After some time, you might find yourself laid-back sexting or maybe idly chit-chatting about activities before or after the breakup and related topics. Remember that you broke up for a reason, and no matter what time you've been apart, many things have changed since the last time you hooked up. You ought to converse carefully; it's better for everyone. A new twirl to an already strong emotional blend could lead to resentment, bitterness, and jealousy. So be keen on the topics you introduce. Consider light and agreeable conversations, and avoid indulging in recent dating history or future dreams. Conversations in which the both of you were involved, such as a memory or dreams you shared, are a big turn-off and not a good idea.  

Hold Out Against Old Habits

You may be tempted or even fumble around with your ex because of your history, leaving those tried and tested routines purely under the sheets. Everything about your ex and the gone relationship should be left in the past. Be it that fancy restaurant you used to go to together or that television show that you watched as a couple. All these are past things, and your focus should be on the present. You must understand that constant reminders will make it feel less like a fling and more like you are returning to the repressed old ways. For example, if it feels comfortable and pleasurable to cuddle up post-coitus for that spooning nap, you most likely see them off or see yourself off and sleep alone.

Foreshadow The End

This person you want to fling with is your ex because something didn't work out, and sex is not likely all the problems that led to the breakup. Whether the friends-with-benefits was your idea or not, no matter how much fun it is, you need to end it before it becomes too much. The last thing you want is to sink it up in your life for way too long. The last resort for both of you should be to move on. Kelly & Barker (2016) explained that the thing with sex with your partner is that it is as easy as it is hard; it can also be as enjoyable as it can be frustrating. You need to foresee the end of that fling, even if it is something that you are planning to make a regular thing. It can stir other feelings, retain your old attachments, and hinder moving on. You both have separate lives to live, so you must end it and move on.

Conclusion

Sex with your past partner is not that bad if both of you haven't moved on yet. It's a nice way to prevent you from bouncing back because you miss and crave intimacy. Before you even think of having a fling with your ex, take a hard thought and consider the rules above as it is for the betterment of both you and your partner. However, remember that even the most laid-back attachment to your ex could keep you distracted from seeing the brighter days ahead when moving on with your life.

References

Drucker, P. F., & Maciariello, J. A. (2018). The daily Drucker: 366 days of insight and motivation for getting the right things done. Routledge.

Kelly, M. P., & Barker, M. (2016). Why is changing health-related behavior so difficult?. Public health, 136, 109-116.

Porter, P. (2018). A world imagined: Nostalgia and liberal order. Cato Institute Policy Analysis, 843, 1-24.

Rothblum, E. D., & Weinstock, J. (2014). Lesbian ex-lovers: The long-term relationships. Routledge.