COMING DOWN: WHY DO SOME DOMS EXPERIENCE TOP DROP? AND HOW CAN THEIR SUBS SUPPORT THEM?

Why do you think some dominants experience top drop? How can their submissive partners support them? Here are amazing ways the submissive can support the dominants, including having respect, asking how they can help, and checking in with them.

Like the submissive, the highs and lows can also be experienced by the dominant partners. According to Sprott & Randall (2016), top drop is an effect commonly experienced by the dominant partner. It often occurs when the dominant finishes the game with the submissive partner. Generally, this is the point when the dominant experiences lower levels of feel-good hormones. There is always a substantial drop in the mood when the scene is over. At this point, most dominants feel tired, terrible, irritable, guilty, or sad. They also feel physically or mentally exhausted. This article highlights all you need to know about the top drop.

What Are the Causes of Top Drop? 

People are unique, and this also applies in the BDSM community. However, here are some of the reasons why the dominants might experience a top drop, including;

Chemical Changes in the Body

Numerous body changes often affect the top drop. Just like the blood sugar levels can be reduced by exercising, in the same way, the dominant's feel-good hormones increase during the BDSM scene but drops substantially after the play.

Vanilla Life, Society, and Negative Emotions 

In the BDSM community, numerous people desire and prefer different activities. Generally, people are not the same. You might be enjoying something that others find weird and less pleasurable.

Pride and Responsibilities 

Cutler et al. (2020) noted that dominant partners are seen as powerful players in the BDSM scene or any relationship. They are also the ones responsible for their sub's wellbeing. In addition, they plan or administer everything that happens before, during, and after the BDSM scene. For this reason, most dominants feel they do not need the aftercare experience as their submissive. Aftercare can be experienced by both the dominant and submissive. Their pride can enhance guilt and burnout, which is unhealthy.

Ways to Prevent Top Drop

Some things can never be misplaced for others, including your general physical and mental health. Preventing top drop-in dominants might be challenging, but you can do it effortlessly in these ways.

Have Open Communication

Have you ever thought of having an open conversation with your partner? It might be easy to introduce new sexual plays or explore different fetishes. Still, it is always essential to discuss this with your partner to ensure both parties are contented. This will prevent misunderstandings and disagreements.

Hold Unwavering Trust 

Trust is one of the essential aspects of a healthy relationship. Exploring BDSM play is fun, but you must trust those you are doing it with. BDSM games involving someone you barely know might be dangerous. Therefore, consider having great moments with those you trust. Trust will also reduce the feeling of depression, anxiety, or guilt.

Talk About Limits and Hard No’s 

Everyone is human, and making mistakes is inevitable. However, once you are in a BDSM scene, you might find it challenging to get out of it safe. According to Doshi (2015), safe words are essential and are used for pausing, starting, and stopping the play. This will prevent things from getting out of hand. 

Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries include the things you can try and what you cannot. Your limits must be respected, especially when a beginner in BDSM scenes. 

Discuss Triggers (and Trauma, if Comfortable)

Discussing different triggers before the scene will make things comfortable for dominants and submissives. Talking about your traumas and triggers will also help eliminate your fears.

Aftercare

Have you ever thought of offering aftercare to your partner after an erotic BDSM session? Generally, BDSM aftercare brings out the feeling of trust, love, togetherness, comfort, caring, and happiness. Therefore, consider offering your submissive partner aftercare to soothe their emotions.

How to Support Your Dominant During Top Drop

Here are some of the amazing things you should consider to ensure you give your dominant partner the support they need. 

Check-in with Them

Although challenging, it is essential to check on your dominants even if you are below them. This shows the act of respect and care. Asking them how they are doing during or after the scene means a lot.

Do Not Assume. Instead, Ask How You Can Help

Your relationship can never be based on assumptions. Generally, assumptions bring about conflict and misunderstanding. Do not assume that your partner is fine; instead, ask them how you can help to keep them safe and comfortable. Talking to them can also make them feel safe whenever they engage in any BDSM game.

Have Respect 

Anxiety can make you feel uncomfortable around people you care much. Continuously asking your dominant partner how they are might seem weird. You can always learn to respect what they wish to explore. Be patient and move towards the same point together.

Not Every Problem Can Be Fixed 

There are days you or your partner will be extremely low, and it is not always a choice. When your partner is in the top drop, let them be and solve their issues personally. 

Final Thoughts 

Dominant partners have numerous responsibilities. However, they also need to be careful with their submissive partners. The dominant can also face negative emotions like the submissive, especially after an erotic BDSM scene. Taking the dominant role in the scene does not mean you are not prone to negative emotions during or after the game. Therefore, as a submissive, ensure you are respectful and kind to your dominants and vice versa. This will also prevent any misunderstanding.

References

Cutler, B., Lee, E. M., Cutler, N., & Sagarin, B. J. (2020). Partner Selection, Power Dynamics, and Mutual Care Giving in Long-Term Self-Defined BDSM Couples. Journal of Positive Sexuality, 6(2).

Doshi, S. M. (2015). BDSM: a sexual deviance rather a sexual culture an overview. Journal of Indian Academy of Forensic Medicine, 37(1), 78-81.Sprott, R. A., & Randall, A. (2016). Black and blues: Sub drop, top drop, event drop and scene drop. Journal of Positive Sexuality, 2(3), 53-61.