Confessions from a Middle Aged Couple

By Elena Ognivtseva

After so many years of marriage, at aged 34, my husband and I like to think we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage alive. Children, work and other commitments don't make it easy but we do try to be inventive when we can, which we intersperse with quickies just to keep the mood going.

Over the years we've tried every type of sex, we've bought (or reviewed) every sex toy and the positions we've attempted would make a gymnasts eyes water, however we've recently noticed a change.

My husband has been working out, his muscles are twice as big while I've been sat in an office chair with an ever expanding behind. When I asked why all the trouble, he replied that he wants me to look at him in that Phwoar way more often like I used to when we first met.

He went on to say that this isn't the only reason; the other is that he'd love to be able to have sex against a wall. Now, with me being 5'2" and him being 6'3" he's going to have to support my bum securely or his penis could break in half.

I won't lie, although I'd love him whatever his size and would still find him super attractive, I am enjoying watching those muscles grow. I feel even more feminine when I crawl into his arms for a cuddle with those strong arms wrapped around me.

There have been a few drawbacks though that I put down to middle age and life in general that this month has seen us being faced with a myrioad of passion killers.

1) The running and workouts intensified hubby's twitchy leg syndrome. Have you ever tried to sleep when someone else is kicking you awake at two minute intervals? Yes I could have killed him, yes he's been sleeping on the sofa.

2) Our oil ran out. In a house as large as this that means we are freezing and with no hot water we don't smell too great either! Although I usually advise against wearing bunny slippers and fluffy dressing gowns all the time, comfort has won over vanity. My husband has taken to wearing his late fathers double layered cardigan indoors too which is a huge turn off but I can hardly complain when I look like I should be on Jermemy Kyle.

3) I've been diagnosed with whooping cough at the same time hubby sprained his knee. Last night we got enough hot water for a small bath, and curled up in front of a coal fire. We both knew what we wanted. We started with the usual petting but as thing progressed my hubby had a confession, 'can we do this in a position where I can keep my leg straight?" My suggestion of up against the wall didn't go too well.

So we opted for the good old girl on top, hell I need the exercise and it was bloody fantastic, but as soon as we'd finished, I collapsed in a heap, coughing and spluttering while my hubby raced to redress himself in the old faithful cardigan and pringle socks.

We finished the night with a Chinese and a few episodes of Mrs Brown's Boys, hardly the stuff of romance, but for us it worked and left us satisfied. We'll do the swinging from the lampshades next week!