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Coping with Mismatched Libidos

Coping with Mismatched Libidos

Coping with Mismatched Libidos

By Ksenia Sobchak

Advice gurus suggest that similar sex drives make us compatible however this isn't always possible. At the start of a new relationship most people enter the phase when they can't wait to rip each other's clothes off and it's not until the partnership crosses over the honeymoon period that you realise how similar your sex drives are.

This leaves men and women confused as some enjoy sex daily and wonder why their partner has suddenly changed to only wanting it once a week, whilst the addition of work and children make some partners wonder how they're ever going to find the time to keep up with their lover.

Re-Train Your Sex Brain

Sex is like going to the gym, for long term couples one or both may not fancy it (as there's always a million other things to do) however once over we wonder why we don't do it much more regularly. It's also a great analogy as sex does burn calories so if you're finding the time for Zumba but not for personal Rumba (forgive me-I couldn't resist) then you may want to ask yourself why. Zumba although exhilarating doesn't give you an orgasm, it doesn't strengthen bonds between you and your lover and it doesn't make bedtime fun 9unless you're showing off some of your moves).

Not Tonight Dear!

Of course we know all this but when we're not in the mood, we think it will be impossible to get there. Many factors play a part such as stress, medications or even diet and sometimes we just feel too exhausted to care. The majority of the time it is the female that has the lower sex drive, however, this does happen with men too. Luckily a lot of us will never have experienced the words 'not tonight darling" but if we did we'd probably be hurt beyond belief and questioning everything wondering if we've put on weight, if he's having an affair or if he's simply gone off us.

It's this understanding that makes it imperative that we at least try, if you have the lower sex drive see it as a crucial part of your relationship. Explain that you don't understand why you may have gone off it, but let him know that you still want it. It's a fact that the more sex you have the more you crave so getting over that first few weeks can be difficult but worthwhile. Try not to plan it as this will leave you feeling guilty if you work late and just want to sleep as soon as you're home, but do respond to advances. The longer you go without sex the easier it is to abstain, and then suddenly you've turned into a couple that have it just once a month on a Friday.


If you need help bringing your sex drive back to its peak - masturbate-seriously. Using vibrators or fingers simply enjoy a little me time. There are even underwater vibrators you can use in the bath making that relaxing soak all the more enjoyable. After a couple of self-satisfying orgasms you'll be gagging for company!

On average long term lovers have sex two or three times a week and if he can't really cope with less than daily try to find a compromise. Help him to understand that you need a 24 hour break to get revved up again, or settle for the odd quickie, hand job or mutual masturbation in-between.

If you try everything and still he wants it after every meal, consider investigating sex addiction online. If he also threatens that he'll find someone who will give him what he wants, show him the door, as he's simply using emotional blackmail which will help neither of you.