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It is very common for partners to experience a decrease in their sex drive. Several things can cause this, leading to being in a sexless relationship. Some of the ways of dealing with mismatched libido include; making time, getting help, being honest, and starting dating again.

According to Chahal & Drake (2007), the decrease in libido can be caused by aging. Moreover, the addition of responsibilities and busy schedules can make you forget about yourself and your partner. When you wake up in the morning, you have activities already lined up for you for the day. When you are in bed with your partner, you opt to get some rest. The continuation of such will lead to a decrease in the sex drive for both of you. Even when you are busy, create time for yourself to get every section of your life running. Do not limit yourself because your sex life is just as important in your life. The decrease and increase in sexual desire are normal, and there is a way for you to get the libido spark back. This article outlines some of the ways of managing a mismatched libido.

Dealing With Mismatched Libido

Make Time 

With the never-ending demand of life and the busy schedule, you might easily make your sex life less prioritized. Sex sometimes should be a priority because it has a role to play in your daily life. Ein-Dor & Hirschberger (2012) explained that sex helps relieve stress. Stress might lead to depression. Therefore, sex enhances the production of feel-good hormones. This will make you feel excited and happy, a core of every human being's life. Try not to put off sex for so long so that you do not lose the drive completely. It would be better to consider having sex first and then make other things follow. Create time for making love because it will also help you sleep soundly

Start Dating Again

This does not mean you leave your partner for another person. It means that you should go back to the drawing board and check where the problem started. Also, with that information, you can start dating each other again. It is okay for your sexual desire to be on and off. According to Alexander et al. (2006), libidos may vary from person to person. Various factors can cause it. When you have a poor sex life, it might lead to misunderstandings. It is also an option to start a new relationship. The relationships always start with being affectionate with each other, excitement, and more love. This is a way of reviving your sex drive in the relationship that will make you pick up again. You can start up the relationship by being intimately nonsexual. Leave each other notes or text just like a new couple. Spend more time together, go out for dinners and dates and become lively. Make out, and romance. Make each other feel loved and appreciated. It should not be that every intimate encounter ends with sex. Instead, sex is a way to fulfill your mutual enjoyment when it comes to the game between the sheets. This is a way to deal with mismatched libidos. With this, you can get the best from your relationship as you start again. This is the best way of reviving your sex drive as a couple.

Be Honest

Honesty is key in a relationship. You should be honest with yourself and your partner. Let your significant other know your sexual desires and needs. When they open up to you, get ready to understand and listen. Let your partner know what you like in your relationship, more so when saying what turns you on or off. In case of differences, it is important to raise them when you have the conversation to avoid things heating up in the bedroom. Pick a convenient time for you and your partner. Acknowledge your sexual desires and join hands to find the solution. This will be the way to have a fulfilling relationship. This is a perfect way of matching your libido again.

Set the Tone

It is not a must that you should set up the tone when in the bedroom and together. You can do this when you are still at work. When you arrange who should pick up the kids from school, get a voice note to remind your partner how you love them. You can also leave a text message or even place a call. Sometimes have an impromptu cocktail or coffee before heading home. This is a way of reconnecting and making the love spark again. By doing so, you will be able to understand what changed, have time to talk about the problems you might have, and solve issues in your relationship amicably. Make the conversations more often, share fantasies and remember to compliment them. According to Gao et al. (2017), compliments play a vital role in developing and maintaining interpersonal relationships. This will make them feel confident. Offer assistance when you find out that your partner is facing a hard task. This is a way to get off some things from your partner's shoulders, thus giving them some time to relax and spend time together.

Get Help

It is not wrong to get or ask for help. Mismatched sex drives are common. Therefore, you should not be embarrassed to visit a counselor because the entire thing is so complex to figure out on your own. The counselor or therapist will be able to guide you on the right way to deal with the situation. It is also the best way to deal with a mismatched libido. It will help if the problem has been there for a long period.


It would be best if you do not start pointing fingers at each other because of the mismatched libido. Instead, this should be the time for you to come together and try to figure out the solution together. What you need to know is how people emotionally connect. You will not be sexually active but let the connection be there. Still, cuddling, kissing, and canoodling lead to greater attachment. 


Alexander, J. L., Dennerstein, L., Burger, H., & Graziottin, A. (2006). Testosterone and libido in surgically and naturally menopausal women. Women’s Health2(3), 459-477.

Chahal, H. S., & Drake, W. M. (2007). The endocrine system and ageing. The Journal of Pathology: A Journal of the Pathological Society of Great Britain and Ireland211(2), 173-180.

Ein-Dor, T., & Hirschberger, G. (2012). Sexual healing: Daily diary evidence that sex relieves stress for men and women in satisfying relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships29(1), 126-139.

Gao, Z., Gao, S., Xu, L., Zheng, X., Ma, X., Luo, L., & Kendrick, K. M. (2017). Women Prefer Men Who Use Metaphorical Language When Paying Compliments In A Romantic Context. Scientific Reports, 7(1), 1-11.