HOW TO BE SUBMISSIVE WHEN YOU ARE VANILLA
HOW TO BE SUBMISSIVE WHEN YOU ARE VANILLA
Some people may feel like giving up some control to someone. Some of the ways you can be submissive when you are vanilla include; talking about your boundaries before time, having a safe word, and making sure the bondage game is light.
Being vanilla yet submissive means that the bondage games should not inflict pain and be all lovey-dovey. It is always difficult to give out total control of your power to your partner, but there is a great feeling a person gets when they have full control of you. Being a vanilla doesn't mean you cannot be submissive to your partner during sexual activities including bondage plays. Consider exploring different sexual activities and spice your bedroom with different sensational feelings. Some of how you can explore being submissive as a vanilla include;
Talking About Your Boundaries Ahead of Time
Ensure you are safe with your partner to give them complete control over you. This will take away any worries you have about things getting too far and upsetting you. You are not in a position to lose yourself in the process. Be sure to communicate your boundaries to your partner so that they may not cross them, as Bauer (2008) noted. Do not get into a habit of assuming that your partner knows which boundaries not to cross when you have not communicated about them.
One of the boundaries you can set is not to inflict pain on your body if you are not okay with it. Let your partner do something that will not make you uncomfortable. It is a matter of compromise, and both of you have to work it out and know how to go about the whole sexual activity.
Create a Safe Word
Creating and communicating about your boundaries is as essential as ensuring you have safe words to use when sexual plays go overboard or become painful. This will come in handy when you are new to the game you plan to have. This will be great because you will never know how you will feel until it gets to you and you are in the moment. It is important to establish a safe word, especially when you are submissive. This is because you have given out all the control and power to the activities, and you are the only one who will know when things are not pleasurable anymore.
Decide the Role to Take
Being submissive comprises different ways. The same goes for the one who is dominating. You need to decide on the role the both of you are playing before engaging in sexual activities. Instead of being the submissive type, be precise about what role you want to play in the bedroom. Let it be known if you plan to let your partner lead you.
Make Sure the Bondage Game Is Light
Being submissive does not necessarily mean you need to be restrained or bound. you may feel like you want to be tied with ropes and hand cuffs. However, if you are new to bondage games, consider starting with light games or accessories, as Nunes & Pereira (2022) advised. Be sure to have things that are comfortable for you and do not harm you. The best accessories are the ones that are made of silicone.
Getting a partner who understands you well and makes you feel loved, and does every great thing when they are with you should not be taken for granted. Being the submissive one means that your partner has full control over you. You can always appreciate your partner if they do a great job when dominating over you. According to Newmahr (2010), you could reward your submissive partner either materialistic or by words. Moaning sensually can also be a form of reward. However, ensure your partner feels the love and is appreciated in every way.
Ask Your Partner for the Aftercare
According to Taormino (2012), you could ask your partner for some aftercare, even if the sexual activity was light. Before the domination games, you should ask this to know that they will take care of you well. Submitting yourself to someone may take much more from you than expected, and you will end up not being in a good place mentally after the sexual activity. It is good if you have a partner that you know gets you very well and will give you all the care you need without even asking for it.
You may feel ashamed or dirty after the whole sexual activity. Ensure your partner is intelligent enough to care for your needs. The needs may be different; that is why it is important to discuss beforehand what you need them to do for you. iet them know If it is verbal assurance that you need. At times you need to be cuddled and feel you are wanted. A partner who turns their head to the other side and starts scrolling on the phone is what you do not need. Get a partner that does not think asking for some aftercare is too much. This is not something that one needs to be told.
Being the submissive one in the relationship means that you want to receive all the pleasure. It may place you in a position where you are completely vulnerable, but all in all, you need to make sure that you enjoy the whole process. Be with someone who you trust, and this will make it easy for them to know and understand the boundaries that you have set and not cross them. Find a person you trust and it will be very easy to give yourself out and let them have complete control over you. However, if it goes overboard, make sure that you have a safe word to stop the whole activity when it goes overboard.
Ensure good communication with your partner to avoid injuring body parts and help learn your partner’s sexual desires. Appreciate your partner after sexual plays. Consider aftermath care to help your partner heal from traumatizing experiences.
Bauer, R. (2008). Transgressive And Transformative Gendered Sexual Practices And White Privileges: The Case Of The Dyke/Trans-BDSM Communities. Women's Studies Quarterly, 36(3/4), 233-253.
Newmahr, S. (2010). Power Struggles: Pain And Authenticity In SM Play. Symbolic Interaction, 33(3), 389-411.
Nunes, A. C. D. N., & Pereira, R. D. (2022). BDSM: BODIES AND POWER GAMES. Revista De Administração De Empresas, 62.
Taormino, T. (2012). 50 Shades Of Kink: An Introduction To BDSM. Cleis Press.