Content Verification

Written by:✓

Tatyana Dyachenko
Psychologist and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

Why do wives cheat on their husbands? Do men and women have the same reasons for cheating? Herein are some of the reasons women cheated on their husbands, including financial abuse, sexual deprivation, and loneliness.

When I got married, I intended to be faithful to my husband, Adam. I took the vows very seriously, and as we stepped into our house that happy day, I was sure that I'd never cheat on my husband. Before we got married, we had many ups and downs, but we still got married because we believed we loved each other. We have been married for eight and a half years now, but I have been cheating on him for the past two years. We probably should not have been married because the more we stay married, the more I keep on cheating, but my reasons for cheating are valid. Read on;

Communication Breakdown

I do not remember nor know exactly when this happened. Maybe it was gradual since we do not talk. Adam asks me if I have seen his missing socks or if I've seen his toothbrush and if I washed his clothes. All I hear are questions about whether I saw this or if we have done this or that. All I do is respond with a yes or no. When we are with other people, we talk and laugh with them. I do not recall when I last laughed with my husband. That’s why I cheated with his friend, John. John visited my husband at our home one evening, but he had left for an out-of-town business. John was on his way out as soon as I told him that my husband was away, but I suddenly felt an air of lust around me. I deliberately led John into temptation. We were not even drunk. Furthermore, I did not feel any guilt or shame about it. We laughed and talked till morning when he sneaked out before my children woke up. I still cheat with John. I would leave my husband for him, but John is happily married.

Low Self-esteem

My mother always said that women are like children. They like compliments and want to stand out. When a woman is married, she wants to hear her husband tell her nice things. I don’t remember when Adam last told me that I looked great. However, John always compliments me. Sometimes he sends me texts to tell me that I am beautiful. He's very romantic and makes me feel confident. 

Financial Abuse

My company recently laid some of us off. I cried. My husband never gives me money. I can’t send my parents money anymore. However, John always helps me out and gives me money even when I don't ask for it. 

Sexual Deprivation

Adam and I do not share a bed. I moved out into the visitors' room, and I do not complain about it. The gap that Adam couldn’t fill as my husband was filled by John. Adam and I have a living arrangement. We do not touch, kiss, or get intimate with each other. All the passion I had for Adam is now on John because he makes me feel like a complete woman. 

Loneliness

Adam works very hard as an IT expert, and he comes home very late. That used to bother me initially, but it does not anymore. I still feel lonely even when Adam is at home. It is probably worse when he's at home because I feel lonelier in his presence than when I’m alone. However, I’m happiest when with John. There's no lonely moment with John. We play, laugh, and have so much fun.

Opportunity

I did not go out looking for John. He's an opportunity that presented itself at my doorstep. The first time he came, my husband was not around. Ever since that day, two years ago, I've had very many opportunities to chat with John, and I haven't wasted any of them. 

Loveless Marriage

I do not love Adam and I’m not in love with him. I feel bad about how I feel towards him, and hate seems to be the word that best describes my emotions towards him.

Lack of Excitement

I was bored and stuck with a daily set of routines. I could not go anywhere fancy, visit the spa, or make my hair at the salon because I did not have money. I was craving excitement, but with another man. Going with Adam to an exciting place will dampen the mood. John brings that excitement.

Anger

I am angry at Adam. Marriage should not be like this. We were supposed to be having fun in our marriage as friends. However, we are estranged, yet we still live together. Our friends think our marriage is perfect because we take wonderful pictures together and post them on social media for people to see how happy we are. But I’m angry and feel we did not make any effort to bring back some spark into the relationship. The spark died, and Adam seems to like it as it is. The marriage does not seem to bother him as boring as it is.

Conclusion

Most women do not set out to cheat on their husbands, but everyone has needs to b met. I would have loved to be intimate with Adam only for the rest of my life, but the marriage has irretrievably broken down. The next step would be getting a divorce. However, I do not want a divorce either, so things are limbo. We do not want to shock society with our divorce, but this marriage pushes me into more cheating. People judge cheats. I used to judge cheats, too, but I’m now wearing the shoes, and I understand where it pinches the most. We all deserve to be happy, and cheating on my husband makes me very happy.