Sex after Divorce; Some Advice
By Elena Ognivtseva
The first few months following a divorce can be an uncertain time and almost everyone will be in agreement that the first major task on the agenda should be some good quality ‘me time’. Allowing yourself enough time and space to heal and begin to move on is essential if you want your future relationships to be healthy, equal and successful. On the other side of the coin is the fact that to most people sex is an essential part of life which they need in order to be happy and contented.
Some newly divorced or separated people tend to get over this issue by going out and sleeping with as many people as possible, and if that’s your thing then fine, but it won’t work for everyone. No strings sex can be exciting but you’re very likely to feel empty and a bit dejected after a while. Rather than jumping into the sack with the first person who shows an interest; cool things down, and let yourself get over the failure of your previous relationship.
Once you are at the point where you think that you’d like to embark upon a new relationship there are a few points to consider which I have laid out below.
First of all here is another word of warning to all women out there about casual ‘sex-buddy’ type relationships. Now, don’t mistake me for someone who doesn’t see the positive side to casual sex, I know that it can work for some women, but for others it can only lead to further anguish and heartache. Men are biologically programmed to seek out sex wherever they can find it, however women are more likely to have trouble separating the sex act with love. Basically your ‘friend with benefits’ could soon become your object of affection. This is dangerous territory to be in!
Make sure you relish the feeling of being a nervous teenager again! After years of marriage and only sleeping this one person (hopefully!) you may feel both anxious and excited about the prospect of sleeping with someone new. Enjoy this and try to relax, everyone gets nervous sometimes. No one is expecting you to feel 100% confident, especially if your divorce was a messy and emotional affair.
Do your research! The world of dating and sex may well have changed a great deal since you were single first time around so read up on new developments and remember to practice safe sex. You may have felt safe enough with your ex to not bother with condoms, but there are many dangers to your sexual health out there, so always slip a few in your purse or pocket before you leave the house.
Many of us ditch the gym and the running shoes once we settle down with our spouse, but after a divorce you may feel the need to get back out there. Enrol in some keep fit classes, take up swimming and dig out your old gym clothes and prep your body for a new relationship.