HOW TO BE DOMINANT IN THE BEDROOM EVEN IF YOU’RE NERVOUS/UNCONFIDENT

It is easy to get your partner to submit to you during a sexual roleplay. Its all about learning, and we are going to highlight herein how.

The idea out here is that people are innately born to either be dominants or subs. This belief stems from the widely accepted theory that bondage or anything in BDSM is a fetish and is practiced by people who are mentally unstable. This is not true.

Domination is not reserved for men. Of course, that masculine attraction in a full domme regalia might be the best and powerful thing to experience but then you can take up the reigns too. You only need to set the best scenery, with a good mood, and know the rules.

Rules to observe as a dominant

Begin with negotiations

The assumption here is that you have both discussed about the impending activity and are on the same page with regards to whether it goes ahead or is vetoed. If the plan is to try the play, then it opens does to negotiations.

This where you get to agree on the limits, safe words, roles, and other relevant information. Most agreements are usually presented in writing and signed by the parties. Otherwise, verbal agreements will just be enough if it’s a short-term arrangement.

There are hard limits and soft ones. With soft limits, the sub is willing to try them and may raise alarm by calling the safe word if they feel uncomfortable. Hard limits on the other hand, involve those a sub is not willing to try.

Safe words are also suggested here. They are negotiated and settled upon. One thing that guides the picking of safe words is their simplicity. The sub has to be able to remember this word amidst intoxication, overflow of emotions, and in the middle of an episode of spiked hormones. Thus, the word needs to be short, simple, straightforward, and easily understood. Words like “red” or “Green” are mostly used.

Care for the equipment

BDSM involves a lot of tools made specifically for the exercise, whilst some are universally used as sex toys. It doesn’t matter the purpose, you need to know how to use them, and to what extent. Some of these tools are dangerous. Without an experienced arm, the user is likely to inflict unimaginable harm on the body of the submissive.

On the other hand, there are safety handling rules on each item. And before use, you are supposed to observe some prerequisite expectations. Firstly, they need to be clean; either washed, sterilized, or both. Secondly, you need to test them on before putting your partner through them. Most people actually try these items on themselves. For instance, trying the rope around their wrists to get the feel.

Prepare for emergencies

You need to have everything in place that you might need in case of an emergency before you begin play. You need a first aid kit, safety scissors to cut through the restrains, keys to the shackles and cages, bolt cutters, etc. A fire extinguisher should equally be within reach as well as an open and urgent communication line.

Having such items readily in place not only ensures the sub of her security and safety, it goes a long way to ease the tension and further keep you focused on the play.

Slowly build up your play

As a beginner, the one thing you don’t want, is moving in with uncontrolled pace. It is easy to monitor, and regulate your play when moving slower. This is why we recommend you slowly but steadily build up your play as you regulate highs and lows.

Observe the safe words

This means you have to practice to use and actually respect them. You can set up a trial run where you need to encourage your partner to actually use the words. This is important since you need to know if things get rough, you can trust the submissive to communicate.

Be attentive

Sometimes, you can experience cases where the sub is too overwhelmed to actually mutter the words out. You need to study their behavior instead. Also, when it comes to gagging, paying attention is of utmost importance because the sub cannot talk. Any sign of distress should catch your attention.

Never should you ever leave your sub in the room alone

Your first and key role as a domme is to ensure the sub’s safety. Leaving them in a room alone opens up risks such as system crashes, health conditions such as asthma attacks, etc. this is why you need to have everything you need in the room. Including a bottle drinking water.

Stay calm in case of an incident

If anything happens and it wasn’t as planned, remain composed and act swiftly. As the dominant, if say seizure, or an injury occurs, or anything out of the normal happens, stop the action and move fast to quell the situation.

Provide aftercare

Aftercare is one of the three topmost must-do things in BDSM. It simply means providing care to the sub so they can return back to normalcy, both physically and mentally. The treatment here varies a lot depending on the situation. Most people cuddle their subs or provide food and refreshments.

As a beginner, watch out for the following signs which indicate that your partner has experienced what is known as “sub-drop”.

• Pain
• Insomnia
• Sadness
• Fatigue
• Irritable
• Guilt
• Self-loathe
• Loss of appetite
• Indecision
• Anxiety, etc.

Sub-drop usually occurs after play. This is why subs need aftercare. Also, these symptoms may take a while to manifest. Therefore, there’s need to regularly check on the sub even up to a week after the play.

The bottom line

BDSM is not all about having sex. To this point, I’m certain you have read into it. with that in mind, you need to know that people are different. Some are sadists, others are masochists, etc. Therefore, instilling discipline and punishment takes a different dimension especially with people who have different realms of pain. Do a further in-depth reading on BDSM to understand what you are getting yourself into.