Content Verification

Written by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Barbara Santini
Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor

Researchers have found that submission in BDSM has two origins: extrinsic, meaning it is inborn, and extrinsic, meaning that they were influenced by other factors such as the media, friends, or partners.

Submission means being voluntarily obedient and giving power to another person. Submission is not exclusively a BDSM. BDSM involves several activities, as explained by De Neef et al. (2019); Bondage, Discipline-Domination, Sadism, and Masochism. It can be applied in relationships and marriage. The dominant partner is one to whom the submissive partner submits. More people have shown interest in BDSM in the past years. According to Labrecque (2021), submission seems to be a relatively recent behavior. In episode 14 of the Desperate Housewives, Bree found out that her husband Rex was cheating on her with a woman who was into BDSM. Her husband confessed that he had to cheat because he wanted to be dominated. Bree agrees to try being a dominatrix for Rex, and he likes it. However, Bree takes on the burden of keeping their new sex life a secret rather than viewing it as something that strengthens their marriage. From that episode, we learn that submissiveness is not a gender role. The submissive partner in BDSM does not have to be the woman. Some of our BDSM tendencies were introduced to us from the screen. As the interest in BDSM increases, so does the interest in science in BDSM. A study published in The Journal of Sex Research found why people practice submission. The research studied a group of 227 sexually submissive people and came up with the following findings;

The Origins of Submission

Submission and domination are two important elements of BDSM. That's the reason why BDSM will feature prominently in this article. As we go through the reasons, we will realize that no one reason draws people to BDSM. Below are two branches of the origin of submission.

Intrinsic Origin

Intrinsic means inborn; being naturally present. In the study of 227 participants, 170 confessed to being involved in submission naturally. They were not influenced into liking BDSM by anyone. Their desire to practice BDSM was inherent in them. On the other hand, fifteen participants discovered their love for BDSM later in life. Both groups added that as they were pursuing their natural BDSM desires, they initially did not know whether they were the dominant or the submissive partners.

In conclusion, the study also found out that people believe one gets into BDSM to cope with their psychological issues, with 22 of the 227 participants indicating that they got into BDSM to get over their issues. It is important to note that people in BDSM are in healthy relationships. BDSM does not affect relationships negatively so long as it is consensual and enjoyable to both partners. BDSM can also boost sex between couples because they get to explore more fun ideas.

Extrinsic Origin

Extrinsic means not being naturally present and being influenced by outside factors. In this case, 22% of the participants said they became interested in BDSM because someone introduced them to it, directly or indirectly. 11% of this group blamed the sexual abuse they underwent during childhood. Moreover, 9% of this group blamed the make-believe games that they played in their childhood, such as 'police and robber'. In addition, 9% said that they were introduced to BDSM recently by an adult partner.

Why Do People Practice BDSM?

46% of the 227 participants said they like BDSM because of power exchange. The submissive partners felt relief when they gave up their powers so that someone else could control them, which is the idea behind physical restrain role-play. The submissive partners mentioned that it was important that they trust the dominant partner since it plays a huge role in BDSM. Moreover, 37% of the respondents stated that they wanted BDSM because of the infliction of physical pain. They emphasized that there is a difference between good pain and bad pain. 28% of the participants stated that submission allowed them to get into a mental space where they could be conscious, leading to a meditative and relaxed state. BDSM gave them a chance to escape from reality. BDSM may have sexual undertones, but some people benefit from its activities. It is a game first for most people, then sex follows. This is why asexual people also get involved in BDSM.

Conclusion

While BDSM is gaining popularity, some people still stigmatize it. People can still not talk about it for fear of being judged. It should be something that a couple can venture into to spice things up in the bedroom. Submission in relationships, especially in BDSM, should be appreciated because the partners are in it consensually and voluntarily. People have long viewed persons involved in BDSM as people who underwent some childhood trauma. Still, the findings in this study showed that only a small number of the people who are into BDSM had a history of abuse and that most of them got into it naturally or as adults and found out that BDSM was an exciting experience that you can have with your partner.

References

Labrecque, F., Potz, A., Larouche, É., & Joyal, C. C. (2021). What Is So Appealing About 

Being Spanked, Flogged, Dominated, Or Restrained? Answers From Practitioners Of Sexual Masochism/Submission. The Journal Of Sex Research, 58(4), 409-423.

De Neef, N., Coppens, V., Huys, W., & Morrens, M. (2019). Bondage-Discipline,

Dominance-Submission And Sadomasochism (Bdsm) From An Integrative

Biopsychosocial Perspective: A Systematic Review. Sexual Medicine, 7(2), 129-144.