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WHO’S ON TOP? POWER DYNAMICS IN A THREESOME

Who’S On Top? Power Dynamics In A Threesome

  • by Jekaterina Gussarova
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Who’S On Top? Power Dynamics In A Threesome

  • by Jekaterina Gussarova

Content Verification

Barbara Santini
Written by:
Barbara Santini
Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor
Veronika Matutyte
Medically Reviewed by:
Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor
Katie Lasson
Fact Checked by:
Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

✨ Quick Summary of Key Points ✨

  • 🔑 Power dynamics can make or break a threesome—know who's leading and who's following.
  • 💬 Communication is your secret weapon—clear and open talks are key to keeping things smooth.
  • ⚖️ Consent is EVERYTHING—ensure everyone’s on the same page from the get-go!
  • 🎉 Embrace the fun—threesomes are about exploring, not stressing!

✨ Key Advice & Tips from Our Experts ✨

  • 🎯 Focus on trust—make sure everyone feels comfortable before diving in.
  • 💖 Set boundaries—define what’s okay and what’s off-limits early on.
  • 🚀 Don’t overthink—let the moment happen, just enjoy the ride!

Sex is simple, and we only try to make it complicated. A threesome allows you to explore a different world of sexuality with heightened pleasure.

Theoretical sex biologically involves the transfer of our DNA to the next generation. Everything we do, what we eat, how we interact, and how our medulla controls the heartbeat is all pointed to the sexual requirements.

Practically, we seem to have complicated everything by developing some complex behavior. For instance, a sea sponge can freely have sex with its ex's best friend. SpongeBob doesn't mind himself with sociosexual politics and the power dynamics involved in threesome. But human beings do because of lack of intelligence. 

Culturally, according to the convention, sex is only between a man and a woman, and if you covet another person's butt, the whole town gets burned down. You could be broken down into a pillar as a warning to the rest of humanity. However, the introduction of threesome in the bedroom meant the state of society was in decay.

Join The Devil’s Cycle

Most people have become fairly comfortable with the idea of a threesome in a relationship. Traditionally, this was not accepted in the society. However, threesome has now taken over the torch for sexual agitation. It has become part of our culture that its euphemisms increasingly rise to 42. The major one used is 'Minaj.'

The freedom in a threesome is a symbol of independence and a ticket to the world of sexual liberty. We see it as an unconventional icon of sexual variability and progressivity. 

Less research has been done about the dynamics of a threesome, and there is none on same-gender threesome. So we can make a huge assumption that the mixed-gender threesome clearly defines the power dynamic involved in the same-gender threesome. For same-gender threesomes, each participant understands the roles they should play in each step of their sexual activities, even if it’s a spontaneous encounter. In general, queer or gay threesomes should easily involve deeper sexuality connections to understand upfront dynamics. 

The three main findings on mixed-gender threesome include; 

A threesome is a representation of our most shared sexual fantasies.

Men fantasize more about threesomes compared to women.

Most threesome involves two women, one man than two men one woman.

It would be more reasonable if men fantasize exactly about threesome twice more than women to make the ratio 2:1. Though it's closer to that, the difference can still be seen.

Two’s Party, Three’s Allowed

Interestingly, the third-party invited for an MFF threesome is a good friend to the woman. The idea to invite a third party in the bedroom is either based on a certain sexual curiosity or the need to please the other partner differently. Generally, if the threesome is of a male-male dynamic, the male partner often selects the invited man and is expected not to be bisexual. While engaging in the play, both men are expected to submit to the woman.

Statistically, most threesomes averagely involve one man and two women. If not, it still involves another man. You can look at the different fringes in our society to find out how two men can submit to one woman and get sexually intimate with each other simultaneously. The act is impossible. The invited man should not show any feelings developed to the woman, and he is expected not to give the woman too much attention. From evolutionary scientific reasoning, it makes sense. According to our reproductive history, a man who simultaneously gets sexual access from different women has a high chance of reproducing. Most men fantasize about trying MFF threesome than their women.

According to some people, this sounds more sexually regressive. All normal circumstances of the common forms of threesome are structured to reflect, maintain and strengthen the existing sexual relationship between partners. When it involves two women and one man, generally, the women vicariously derive pleasure from him because most women will introduce another woman to pleasure their partner. On the other hand, if it involves one woman and two men, the man invites the third party to retain the ownership of the relationship and the woman. 

The E=MC2 of Kink

We need to understand that threesomes are male-controlled constructs that should be reconstructed. A little examination and reflection on this would be more welcoming. Although there is a weird clause when reflecting on sexual progressivity, the equation used to explain this is more valid and incredible. 

This theory is particularly applicable to those who manage to be powerful in daily life activities and are still sexually submissive. The submissive people understand that their role cements the other participants and their sexual expectations, and this is why they subvert by performing the same role. The role is a sexual fetish on its own.

If you willingly join a threesome with the reason to derive pleasure by engaging in sexual acts to pleasure your partner, then the threesome becomes progressive and kinky too. It becomes regressive if your partner convinces you to join a threesome because you will get more pleasure. In short, if you're unaware of the regression, it becomes progressive.


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