WHY ARE WE STILL WEIRD ABOUT MASTURBATION IN MARRIAGE?

Are many times when people have shamed the couples who take part in masturbation. People find it weird that the partners are masturbating, yet they can engage in sexual activities and get the desired pleasure. Some reasons we are still weird about masturbation in marriage include; being viewed as a sign of cheating, feeling of inadequacy, and a substitute for intimacy.

Most couples are always afraid of masturbating as they find the activity weird. Well, there is no need for someone to feel that way. Masturbation is now a normal thing compared to the old times when it was thought to be a taboo. You can now pleasure yourself freely and avoid thinking it is not a good thing because you are married. Gone are the days when it was your partner's whole responsibility to ensure you were satisfied. You also have to build an intimate relationship with yourself before doing it with someone else. Some of the reasons why we are still weird about masturbation in a relationship include;

Viewed As a Sign of Cheating

Ballester-Arnal et al. (2021) explained that masturbation is sometimes viewed as a sign of cheating, especially among married people. The thought that you are pleasuring yourself yet have your partner beside you sometimes is not taken well. However, it should not be an issue to worry about. Asselta et al. (2020) explained that people have different sex drives. The mismatch in libidos would push someone to pleasure themselves, especially when their partners are not in the mood to have sex with them. It does not count as cheating as the person is only pleasuring themselves using their toys or hands. At times you may find that the couple masturbates because of other reasons. Döring (2020) explained that masturbation is not tied to sexual activities. Some do it because of other issues such as stress, financial issues, and sometimes financial responsibilities.

Inadequacy Feeling

At times, you are likely to find your partner is so much into masturbation than you are. It will make you feel like you do not satisfy them enough and you are not doing it how they want it to be done. You may be disappointed that your partner relies on masturbation to fulfill their intimate desires. However, this may not be the actual case. The fact that your partner is masturbating does not necessarily mean that you are not adequate to give them those pleasures. They may just have that feeling that they need some alone time together so that they can build their intimate relationship with themselves. You are not the only one who needs to give you the pleasures, and they can as well do it for themselves. 

Substitute For Intimacy

Many times when masturbation has been made to seem like a substitution for intimate sex with your partner. It may make sense, which may bring about issues in your marriage. Most people use masturbation to avoid having sexual relations with their significant other. It, in turn, makes their partner feel like they are being avoided and their feelings are being played with. While it is considered a healthy act, masturbation can also turn out unhealthy, and your partner will start feeling weird about it. When your partner is using masturbation to avoid their partner, it would be right for them to view the whole thing weirdly.

Trust

Zimmer & Imhoff (2020) explained that masturbation is a weird topic for couples, especially when one person is into it. One of the reasons why someone would view it as a weird thing is when their partner is hiding it from them. Since it is a private thing requiring some solo time, it is always right if your partner knows you love masturbating. There is no need for you to be secretive with the whole issue unless you are doing it to spite or avoid your partner.

The great thing would be to trust your partner with the masturbation issue and tell them why you do it so that they may not view it as a weird thing. Let them know that it is not that they do not satisfy you sexually but that you love doing it for some self-pleasure. It will reassure them that you are okay with them, and they will leave you to do your thing or even may want to have mutual masturbation with you. 

Feeling Shame

As normal as we would like to put it, there are times when we feel ashamed about masturbating, yet we have our partners beside us. The thought that maybe they may be disappointed to find out that we love masturbating will always be on the mind. Most couples are silent about this topic and prefer doing it in private away from their significant other, because they fear being judged. Once caught in the act, it won't be easy to let things return to how they were. The best thing to avoid feeling weird about masturbating is to make sure that your partner knows that you love doing it and that it is nothing against them. Be sure to have that talk with them instead of waiting to be found in the act so that you may talk about it.

Conclusion

It is a normal thing to feel weird about masturbation, especially when it happens in marriage. However, whether married or not, the issue of masturbation should not be weird. Sometimes, one needs to have some solo time and make themselves happy through masturbation. It is not only the responsibility of your significant other to make sure that you feel pleasured or get an orgasm. You can also do it yourself. You do not have to put your main focus on building a relationship with your partner only but also try and build an intimate relationship with yourself. It may help to know your body better, and at the end of the activity, you may get your partner to do the same things to you. It will help you build your sexual relationship with them.

References

Asselta, R., Paraboschi, E. M., Mantovani, A., & Duga, S. (2020). ACE2 and TMPRSS2 variants and expression as candidates to sex and country differences in COVID-19 severity in Italy. Aging (Albany NY), 12(11), 10087.

Ballester-Arnal, R., Nebot-Garcia, J. E., Ruiz-Palomino, E., Giménez-García, C., & Gil-Llario, M. D. (2021). “INSIDE” project on sexual health in Spain: sexual life during the lockdown caused by COVID-19. Sexuality Research and Social Policy, 18(4), 1023-1041.

Döring, N. (2020). How is the COVID-19 pandemic affecting our sexualities? An overview of the current media narratives and research hypotheses. Archives of sexual behavior, 49(8), 2765-2778.

Zimmer, F., & Imhoff, R. (2020). Abstinence from masturbation and hypersexuality. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(4), 1333-1343.