Content Verification

Written by:✓

Tatyana Dyachenko
Psychologist and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

For ladies, orgasm makes up for the pleasures of sex. It is such a great deal to them than it is to men. What if she can't orgasm? However, many reasons can make a woman find it difficult to orgasm. Herein are 15 reasons you can't orgasm, including depression, medication, underlying medical conditions, and skipping the foreplay.

Everybody craves a perfect sex life, which may not be the cause if one cannot have an orgasm. The end game or climax of sex is to have an orgasm. It is this release that gives sex its meaning. However, the quest for orgasm can feel like a hopeless cause for some women. Nobody has a perfect sex life, so don't be so hard on yourself. There are different causes of orgasm problems, and most are mentally related. Are you among the women who can't orgasm? Worry not! There are remedies to help you overcome these and have an orgasm. However, before rushing to the medical center for treatment, it is essential to determine why you can't orgasm. 

You are Uncomfortable with Your Man

If you are uncomfortable around your man, having an orgasm will be difficult. Having an orgasm needs you to be in a relaxed state of mind. A new partner, someone hot or more experienced than you are, can be intimidating, which is not good for orgasm. If you are in this situation, talk to your partner to know his fears, goals, and intentions he has with you. With time, you will find it comforting to be around him.

You are Focusing Too Much on Orgasm 

Being able to orgasm is something every woman desires. Try to be in the moment during sex, get your mind off things, and focus on the moment and the sensations that come with it. Focusing too much can also get you thinking about why you aren't having an orgasm. Alternatively, try passive masturbation in those sex scenes on your favorite show. During sex, focus on the pleasures, and you will find yourself cumming.

You Have Depression

According to De Lucena et al. (2014), depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders can be just why you cannot orgasm. These issues affect your daily life, including your sex life. Lowered sex drive is one symptom that you are depressed. It can make it harder for men and women to orgasm. You may seek therapy or help from a professional to avoid that dark cloud hovering above your days.

You Don't Know Your Body  

Maybe you were raised in a home that viewed masturbation as a grave sin or where touching yourself was shamed. Similarly, you grew up preoccupying yourself with not satisfying these desires. It's no wonder you can't orgasm. Your body is still a mystery to you. The solution to this is simple, masturbate. Learn the sweet spots in your vagina, the points which give you pleasure and make you feel alive.

You're Skipping Foreplay

Sex is not about penetrative vaginal or anal sex. It is more complex than it sounds. It's all about intimacy, making your body want the pleasures of sex. You should warm yourself up before the actual sex. You can have a nice quickie, but add a little foreplay and see what happens.  

You are Stressed 

Avoid having sex with so much on your mind. Sex is all about letting go and feeling free to go with the flow. We all got mouths to feed, a family to provide for, and work to do. These factors can negatively hinder your sex life and deprive you of that orgasm. Consider concentrating during sex, focus on the pleasure and sensations, be in the moment, and forget about every other thing and focus. 

Your Medication is Interfering

Everything has its own positive and negative effects. Conaglen & Conaglen (2013) noted that the drugs you use might hinder your sex life with their side effects. After prescription, it is important to discuss these side effects with your physician to determine if they will hinder your orgasm.

Have Something More 

Maybe you're the type of person that needs more pressure and power to orgasm, and your partner may not understand this. Instead of searching for the perfect person, you can try sex toys. There are various sex toys designed to solve your needs and give you pleasure. Take the strain off your hands and reach your orgasm with the help of these toys.

You're Too Drunk or High

Drinking and dancing the night away once in a while is good for you, especially to relieve stress. However, it may have negative effects. This has been common in men when they're too drunk even to get aroused. It also happens in ladies where a lady can fail to get an orgasm due to alcohol. Therefore, the next time you are out partying and decide to have sex, don't be shocked if you fail to reach an orgasm.

Have Consistent Stimulation

 Some men believe that variety is the key to a woman's sex life. However, this s is not the case. Switching up positions time and again might make a woman fail to orgasm. Sometimes the key is consistency. Choose a nice sex position and stick to it until she cums before switching it up.

You are Ignoring the Clitoris 

According to Towne (2016), the clitoris is the epitome of all pleasure to a woman; then, you have a big problem. Sex is not all about penetrative vaginal or anal. Play with the clitoris, stimulate it a little, and with no time, she will have an orgasm. Your partner should know all this, or you have a big problem. 

You're Repressed 

Some people are more afraid to deal with their sexuality than others. If you fall under this bracket, orgasm may be difficult for you. Repression can result from what you know about sex, the past, or the current cultural climate. It might have germinated from when having sexual feelings was seen as guilt and shame. Therefore, before you ruin your sex life, accept your sexuality and fix your relationships.

Your Relationship is the problem

You can pretend that everything is okay with your partner, but in the bedroom is where things get real. A couple that finds it hard to settle their issues in the best way possible finds themselves dealing with sexual issues. So, be the bigger person and find ways to settle your rues so as not to affect your sex life negatively.

You are Stuck in your Head 

You're enjoying sex with your partner, some good strokes. Then you realize that it has taken you like forever to orgasm. If this sticks to your head, you are done for, and you can kiss, getting an orgasm at that moment goodbye. It would be best to let go, get comfortable with your partner, and be relaxed. Ditch everything in your mind and let your orgasm come to you.

You Have an Underlying Medical Condition

If none of the reasons above are why you can't have an orgasm, Phillips (2000) suggested that an underlying medical condition may cause your sexual dysfunction. Damage to nerves around your vagina, scar tissue, diabetes, vitamin D deficiency, and other conditions may hinder you from having an orgasm. Seek medical attention, and don't be afraid to bring up those conditions to your doctor. 

Conclusion 

Don't be discouraged if orgasm still eludes you even after working on all these factors. The internet has led us to believe some things about orgasms. But get this; sometimes, women can realize orgasm without knowing it. Sex and masturbation can be pleasurable even without orgasm. So, don't deny yourself pleasure while thinking of orgasm. Difficulty with orgasm isn't fun, and it can lead to distance in your relationship or low self-esteem. Dealing with the inability to orgasm and underlying issues may prove easier than you think if you're proactive.

References

Conaglen, H. M., & Conaglen, J. V. (2013). Drug-Induced Sexual Dysfunction In Men 

And Women.

De Lucena, B. B., & Abdo, C. H. N. (2014). Personal Factors That Contribute To Or 

Impair Women's Ability To Achieve Orgasm. International Journal Of Impotence Research, 26(5), 177-181.

Phillips, N. A. (2000). Female Sexual Dysfunction: Evaluation And Treatment. American 

Family Physician, 62(1), 127-136.

Towne, A. (2016). Clitoral Stimulation During Penile Vaginal Intercourse: A 

Phenomenological Study Of Female And Male Experiences. Widener University.