Bondage Play Suggestions

Bondage Play Suggestions

By Elena Ognivtseva

Once you've got your partner figured out, how do you cater to their needs? Experienced players know the brain is the greatest sex organ of all and if a bottom's head is in the right place, their body will follow. Bondage can go a long ways towards creating the right kind of headspace. It can be symbolic (a collar around the neck) or very real (total immobilization). It can create strong visuals for the bottom either literally or in their mind's eye. It's a powerful tool and you should know how to make the most of it given the person(s) you're playing with.
Experienced players can usually draw from their past experience, but a novice cannot. They haven't tried most things and may not even know many of the possibilities. So what to do as top? If you're a bottom and like surprises, you may want to skip this section. If you're a top and looking for ideas, here are some things to explore either verbally beforehand, or to actually try during a scene with each of the types defined earlier:

Submissive Slave - Remember bondage is usually secondary to this bottom but symbolic bondage can be very welcome. For example, you might try locking a collar on them from the beginning. They're mainly into being told what to do and knowing they're pleasing the top. The verbal aspect of the scene is usually important. Some are into humiliation, being treated like an animal, etc. Most are into being used sexually in one way or another. Others want to be tested and pushed--proud of having pleased you and living up to your expectations. Bondage can be useful when pushing their limits (consensually). It may help them psychologically give into what's happening. It can also be used for punishment or enforcement.

Loss of Control Lover - This person wants to feel as helpless as possible. It's best for the top to take control physically, mentally and verbally from the start of the scene. Sex may or may not be involved. Consider taking the bottom into the scene blindfolded (or hooded) so they cannot see their surroundings and are kept guessing as to what's going to happen. Surprise them--try to guess what they're expecting and do something different. The bondage should not only be inescapable but oriented toward making the bottom feel as helpless as possible. Consider mummification with saran wrap, restraining the head, binding fingers and toes together with duct tape, etc. Very effective gags such as inflatable ones or those that hold the jaw shut can be employed to prevent the bottom from communicating with words (never leave a bottom unattended even for a few seconds with a gag that can interfere with their breathing or cause choking). A safeword (or signal) to indicate a problem the top is unaware of is always a good idea (i.e. an arm going numb, etc.) but otherwise consider a "no-way-out" kind of scene. Consensual kidnappings are another option.

Bondage Enthusiast - Bondage is the main theme here. Bondage Enthusiasts may be more interested in bondage than sex and some don't want any sexual contact. Especially with a novice, consider using classic kinds of bondage such as spread eagle, hog-tying, chair bondage, etc. The position can mean a lot and perhaps try several in one session. Some are into challenging positions like being forced up onto their toes as a test of endurance. The act of being put into bondage itself can be a big turn-on so have everything ready to help the scene flow smoothly. Bondage Enthusiasts may like to see themselves and having one or more mirrors in the play area can be useful. Others may get off if they know they're being video taped and get to watch it later. The look and feel of the bondage can be important as well. Keep in mind even if they can't see themselves, they'll likely be imagining what they look like so aesthetics and symmetry can be important. They often like to struggle hard against their bonds so take that into consideration. Can they hurt themselves or break anything? Some like to be (safely) left alone or kept in captivity. Reading magazine provides a lot of insight into their mindset

Gear Fetishist - You have to find this person's "hot buttons" and play them. They may have fairly wide interests in many things or very specific interests in primarily one area--i.e., being covered head to toe in rubber. In general, they all like trying new things within their area of interest. They love new gear and experiencing new things. It's best not to tell them about everything in your collection in advance and only introduce new things once they're already in bondage (or even save some for future scenes). The visual and sexual aspects are very important to some and less so to others. Ask lots of questions in advance.

Intensity Freak - Here you want to use bondage as one of your tools to push their limits and take them to new places. It's hard to make suggestions because it all depends on what the bottom's into. They often crave going a little bit further each time and setting new "personal bests". Variety and creativity are very important. Controlled breathing, being "milked" for multiple orgasms or being kept on the edge but denied orgasm for an extended period are all examples of intense kinds of play that usually require bondage to accomplish. Likewise, immobilization and/or sensory deprivation can also be very intense but may not be what your particular bottom is after. They usually expect at least one mind-blowing orgasm.

Endorphin Pig - It takes special skill to safely play with most of these bottoms. They're after a chemical high that can require administering fairly heavy pain to induce. Some get off on many different kinds of pain, while others are into more specific things--whipping and flogging being some of the most popular. The bondage should generally allow for some freedom of movement, as the bottom will often use body language (knowingly or otherwise) to communicate with the top. A heavy endorphin scene can go far enough to where the bottom is largely incapable of intelligent speech. It's beyond the scope of this article to get into the details of really heavy pain scenes. They're best left for experienced players. Sex is usually not part of a heavy endorphin scene.

The above are just some ideas for each type of player. Obviously, the possibilities are almost unlimited. Variety is the spice of life and creativity will usually be rewarded. There are many resources on the net and in print regarding play ideas, specific techniques, etc. Try to put yourself in the bottom's place, envision what they might be thinking and act accordingly. If you also have experience as bottom, and they share your interests, you can often simply do what you'd enjoy most as the scene progresses. Pay attention to their feedback during the scene (verbal and otherwise) and discuss the scene with them afterwards (even if you don't think you'll play again). There's something to be learned from every scene. This is as much an art as a science.