END KINK SHAMING & BE KINK POSITIVE

Different people share indifferent sexual desires, and kinks are just a small part of the bigger picture. You might have questions about kinks, how kink-shaming became a norm, and how to be positive about it. This article highlights everything you need to know about ending kink shaming and being positive.

Shaming is the act of subjecting someone to humiliation or disgrace by public exposure or criticism. In this case, kink-shaming would make someone feel less or criticize and humiliate them for their sexual desires. To a few, tying them up, putting a collar on their necks, or spanking is not ideal. To a few others, these activities are normal in their sex life. It's all about individual differences. The world of kink is vast and has not yet been fully explored. Moreover, there is always a discovery to be made. Therefore, as you approach kink, you should have an open mind and don't humiliate someone for having different sexual desires than yours.

What is the Meaning of Kink?

According to Herbenick et al. (2022), a kink is a sexual activity that someone finds exciting, but it's not necessarily conventional. Kinks come in different forms. Examples of kinks include using cuffs in the bedroom for bondage play, spanking, and exhibitionism. Generally, a kink is consensual sexual play and can suit people of different ages.

Kink-shaming and Its Effects

Donaghue (2015) explained that kink-shaming is based on sex-negative behavior. For some time, the world has viewed sex as terrible, and a new awkward behavior has become the norm. Shaming is wrong, and it affects people who are involved.

Some kink lovers internalize shame and harbor this weight for years. This causes emotional, psychological, and emotional stress due to being viewed as outcasts by society. Moreover, they never get to live authentically sexually. Everyone needs to enjoy their sexual pleasure, and kinks should be rejuvenating. It's not right to deny people their pleasure or humiliate them.

Ending Kink Shame

Unusual sexual acts have long been considered rogue and unreasonable. Over time, these unusual sexual behaviors have become popular with people willing to try them. Kinks are connected to higher levels of satisfaction and sexual pleasure. Moreover, Connan (2010) stated that people who explore the world of kinks have a happy sex life.

According to experts, most individuals are too ashamed to come out with their kinks and the less conventional sexual interest even to their therapists. It was also found that several professionals showed adverse attitudes towards these sexual acts, which further escalated the levels of shame. In addition, several mental health professionals lacked proper training and used their ignorance to inflict judgment and shame on their patients.    

However, the stigma linked to kinks and kinky behavior has significantly decreased with time and knowledge. Also, a set of guidelines was put in place for mental health professionals to begin accepting, learning, and understanding sexuality. Moreover, sexual kinks have been proven to be healthy and healing.

Many people worldwide dip into the pleasures of kinks, which should not be considered disreputable. There is also no point in being sheepish about kinky behaviors since the world has changed and kinks bring joy and sexual satisfaction. Being positive about kinks will go a long way to better understanding these kinky practices.

Three Ways to Incorporate Kinks in the Bedroom

Blindfolds   

According to Taormino (2012), using blindfolds can be tremendously erotic, but it requires partners with unwavering trust. This is a great but simple way to spice things up in the bedroom. It involves using a piece of cloth to blindfold your partner, and if you are the one taking charge, you can please and tease your partner while they are in the dark. Teasing them in the dark intensifies the sexual tension. It also provides an opportunity to be free and play with no judgment, especially when one experiences self-consciousness in the bedroom. Moreover, you can use ice cubes, candle wax, or oral sex with some warm chocolate sauce to explore different sensations.

Restraints  

Often known as bondage, this is another way to explore the world of kinks. You can choose to incorporate blindfolds with restraints or use restraints independently. Restraints deploy the factor of power play or power exchange in the bedroom. You can go light with restraints by using apparatus readily at home, like ropes, ties, and other types of clothing. You can also go the extra mile and purchase BDSM handcuffs to get the job done. Consider light objects such as ties before going the extra mile to purchase equipment as a beginner.

Spanking  

Spanking may sound simple, but it's still versatile. Normally you can use your hands, but you can also use a piece of equipment. Whips, paddles, floggers, or riding crops are some of the equipment used in spanking. The beauty of spanking is that you can do it during all sex acts. Note that spanking should be done to fleshy body parts like the buttocks or thighs, especially when using equipment. Avoid striking sensitive areas such as around the kidney or spine.

Key to Playing It Safe 

There are a few important guidelines to follow for safety purposes. They include;

Consent is Important

This does not apply to new partners only; having consent is a general factor. Both parties should agree with whatever will transpire; nobody should be forced or enticed to do anything. The route to consent is through honest communication between partners. You need to set ground rules and establish to what extent you should go.

Enjoy Healthy Pain  

Exploring kinks may involve giving and receiving pain. Enjoying this pain, whether on the giving or receiving end, makes the world of kinks so colorful. You and your partner should learn to induce pain without necessarily causing excess damage to the body tissues or nerves.

Always Practice Aftercare

Despite all the fun and activities involved in kinks, one of the most important aspects is aftercare. Lack of aftercare may make one feel discarded, sad, or anxious afterward. Aftercare includes cuddling, talking, enjoying a cup of water or cocoa together, or something that will make sure both partners feel safe and happy. 

Have Unswerving Trust    

Trust is the key to kinks and any sexual activity in general. There needs to be unswerving trust where the sex involves whips, handcuffs, and ropes. This will get rid of any feelings of discomfort during play, and it's for the safety of both parties. Trust will also be crucial if a partner wants to stop the scene; the other party will stop immediately due to the utmost care.

Conclusion

Kinks are normal sexual desires, just like any other. Therefore, there is no need to feel ashamed about your sexual preferences. Everybody is different and has their definition of sexual pleasure. It's your decision to come out and share about your kinks or not, and you can also share with whomever you please. One should practice positive thinking and maybe hop into the kink world. However, communicate with your partner before trying any kink. Also, seek consent to avoid going against your partner’s wishes.

References

Herbenick, D., Guerra-Reyes, L., Patterson, C., Rosenstock Gonzalez, Y. R., Wagner, C., & Zounlome, N. (2022). "It Was Scary, But Then It Was Kind Of Exciting": Young Women's Experiences With Choking During Sex. Archives Of Sexual Behavior, 51(2), 1103-1123.

Donaghue, C. (2015). Sex Outside The Lines: Authentic Sexuality In A Sexually Dysfunctional Culture. Benbella Books.

Connan, S. (2010). A Kink In The Process. Therapy Today, 21(6), 10-15.

Taormino, T. (2012). 50 Shades Of Kink: An Introduction To BDSM. Cleis Press