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Long-distance Polyamory: How Does it Work?

Long-distance Polyamory: How Does it Work?

Long-distance polyamory can work if there is communication and commitment among the partners.

According to Bloom (2015), olyamory is a consensual relationship that involves three or more people. As people travel or join schools and colleges, they meet people they interact with and find that they are attracted. The world has over 7 billion people. It's almost natural that you want to be romantically involved with someone else besides your partner. Polyamorous relationships are common in long-distance relationships because while the person was yearning for companionship, they met someone as good as their partner. Polyamory is not cheating. Your partner knows that you are involved with someone else, and sometimes your partner might also be with someone else. When you are in this type of relationship, you love many people, and the people you are involved with are okay with it. The following are some ideas on how to make a long-distance relationship work. 


Unlike cheating, where the new flame brings new energy, and the other partner is forgotten because out of sight, out of mind, the main mantra in long-distance polyamorous relationships is absence makes the heart grow fonder. You do not intend to lose your other partner, want all your relationships to succeed, and want all your partners to be happy with you and each other. Therefore, according to Stafford et al., (2012), communication is therefore very important wherever you are. You have to keep reassuring your partners that you are in the relationship in the long run.

Balance the physical presence

Communication may not be enough to sustain the relationships. You still have to travel to ensure that your partners feel your physical presence. It would be useful if you made time to be with your partners so that they get to feel that they are in a real relationship. Everyone in a relationship gets into it because they yearn for companionship, and your partner is no different, even if they might be involved with someone else. You have to play your role in your partner's life as their companion.


A long-distance polyamorous relationship is no different than a monogamous relationship. You love many people, but you are committed to each of them. You are serious about wanting them all in your life. You want them to be comfortable and contented with having you in their lives. You do everything possible to ensure that they do not feel your love and attention are missing. A polyamorous relationship is not something you get into because you got bored having a particular partner, it's something you get into when you meet a human being that you also find just as amazing as your partner or partners, and they do not mind you having that new partner too. Maintaining a polyamorous relationship is not easy. According to Kelmer et al. (2013), a long-distance polyamorous relationship is even tougher.

Set some rules

According to Bloom (2015), a polyamorous relationship may seem like an open relationship, but it isn't. All the relationships you have with other people are committed. You, therefore, must have rules. Like what happens when you want to date someone else, must you tell your partner? Can you invite someone home? Can you have sex with other people? You must have rules for your relationship to know what to expect from each other.

Have Goals

Set some goals for your relationships. Bazani et al. (2021) encouraged that you know what you expect to achieve. Are you all going to live together one day? Will you have children together? Goals give you something to look forward to and give you a reason to take your relationship seriously and be committed. The goals will keep you more focused and serious about your relationship. Goals are important because you get to know if you are on the same page with your partner.

Exchange Gifts

Give your partner something to hold on to when you are not away. Presents keep relationships warm. When you give someone a gift, it reassures them that you treasure them. It's a sign that you had them in your mind. It makes them long for you even more. Gifts build memories. To make the gifts even more sentimental, do not give them in person because we can easily pick a gift from the shop and give it to a partner on our way to see them. It doesn't mean that they have been on our minds. But when you send the gift, you have been thinking about your partner.

You took some time and maybe some money to make your partner feel special regardless of the distance and because you have some romantic company. 

Be Honest with Each Other

It is a relationship with several people, but you still have to be honest with each other. Be honest about how you feel about the relationship, and whatever you do when your partners are away should be in line with the goals and expectations of your relationship. Remember, this is a relationship you got in willingly, and you are in it because you want to. Like any other relationship, it is bound to collapse if lies get in.

Do Things Together

Make time for all the partners to do things together so that you may bond and make the relationship stronger. A polyamorous relationship is very challenging because sometimes it is not heterosexual. Your partner might be in love with the added partners too. A long-distance relationship might strain the relationship financially because you have to keep moving to and from to make sure that you keep the relationship strong.


Oakes et al. (2016) agreed that a long-distance polyamorous relationship is not different from a monogamous relationship. Besides the dynamics, in that in a polyamorous relationship, more people are involved, the polyamorous relationship faces the same challenges faced in a monogamous relationship. The partners must find ways to make the relationship enjoyable. It only requires commitment so that all the partners feel the need to make the polyamorous relationship successful (Kelmer, et al. 2013).


Bazani, M., Bakhtiari, M., & Masjedi Arani, A. (2021). An Investigation of Long-Distance Relationship Maintenance in Married Individuals in Tehran, 2020. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 1-19.

Bloom, A. (2015). Explaining relationship satisfaction: Attachment, technology Use, and sexual satisfaction in long-distance relationships..

Kelmer, G., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Relationship quality, commitment, and stability in long‐distance relationships. Family process52(2), 257-270.

Stafford, L., & Hillyer, J. D. (2012). Information and communication technologies in personal relationships. Review of Communication12(4), 290-312.Oakes, K. F., & Brown, K. S. (2016). Long‐distance relationships. Encyclopedia of Family Studies, 1-3.