Content Verification

Written by:✓

Tatyana Dyachenko
Psychologist and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

By Elena Ognivtseva

There's no denying that the birth of a baby is a life changing event that usually gives women and men a new perspective on life. Bringing a baby into the world is a joyous occasion and one that is awe inspiring however it's because of this that many people feel a little selfish if they comp[lain about the pressure on a relationship once the new person has entered the home.

Yet relationship problems after a baby are very common, even the strongest couples find that resentments appear and sleepless nights turn them into hormonal monsters. It's best not to ignore it as when you do start sleeping through again and getting out of pyjamas before 9am you may find your relationship is sorely neglected. Contributing factors include:

1) Defined roles

Assuming things will not change much is the downfall of many. Even if your baby doesn't have colic and sleeps quite easily throughout the night she will still need 24hour care. Putting pressure on yourself to keep a spot less house or for him to carry on working overtime every night can be a recipe for disaster.

2) Housework

Before the baby you probably had a lot of time to do the housework and if he didn't pitch in you didn't really mind as on maternity leave you may have enjoyed taking care of the home as he brought in the pennies. However after the baby this all changes, as it's amazing how much mess a baby makes when she can't even roll over!

3) Sex

You may think you're both prepared for six weeks without sex and you may actually be grateful that you don't have to muster the energy. However, its sexual frustration will build for both of you, you may become jealous if he masturbates or he may wonder when sex is ever going to start again. It's difficult to snuggle when you are playing pass the baby or sing nap times to wash and sterilize bottles, even kisses are rare, intimacy is just plain hard - or not as the case may be.

4) Family relationships

All of a sudden you are an adult in charge of a person that has been growing inside you for nine months and you know this person better than anyone. That's why when the mother in law gives her own advice you either bite back or collapse in a hormonal mess. Your own mother may like to 'teach" your partner what to do too which can cause a lot of tension.

5) Sleep

Unless you have given birth to a sloth, one of you will be deprived of the uninterrupted 8 hours sleep. This can leave you jealous as the other bounces out of bed fresh as a daisy. There's a reason this is used to torture terrorists.

6) Talking

Before baby you would have had ample time to discuss feelings, your day, even gossip but now you don't have the time to finish a sentence.

7) Social Life

The girls are going out but apart from not wanting to leave the baby you don't fancy a hangover with a wide awake baby the next day. On top of this your new figure may be zapping your previous confidence. He will also miss time with friends and those who assume passing baby over and continuing to party like before is easy, just wait until you can't let go.

It's no wonder relationships hit a bad patch when a baby enters the mix and a reason we always urge never to have a baby to save a relationship. However, we won't leave you there, we have tried and tested techniques to get over these hurdles easily and we guarantee they will make your relationship even better than before- see here.