Skip to content



To know the ideal time to spend making love we should know the difference between love and sex. We should also know how long lovemaking should last.

The one thing that most people wonder about making love is if they satisfy their partner. After sex, you wonder if you ejaculated too soon or if the time you spent making love was sufficient. Was it too long or too short? How much time should we spend making love? The truth is that there is no standard time that has been set as the ideal time. In the end, it's all about yourself and your partner and how you feel after sex. You may want to set your time according to conventional expectations, and this article will discuss everything we need to know about the time we need to make love. Read on;

What is Making Love?

Making love is an act of intimacy that involves sharing emotions and thoughts. Lovemaking has been described as a session where the partners are vulnerable and open toward each other while being involved in sensual intimacy. When two people make love, they are in deep emotions with each other. They deeply care for and love each other. They get intimate to express how they feel about each other. The physical attributes do not matter when people make love. While making love involves sex, it is not a physical connection only, but it includes an emotional connection. Making love has hints of love, care, respect, and comfort, which sex may lack.

What is the Difference Between Making Love and Having Sex? 

It is impossible to discuss making love without mentioning sex because "making love" and "having sex" have been interchangeably used. Some people imagine that making love is the euphemistic version of having sex. Making love is having sex but having sex is not always making love. The term "making love" means that love is involved. People may have sex, yet they do not love each other. You cannot say that you were making love if you know you do not love your partner. You could meet and have sex with a prostitute, but that's not making love. When we make love, love must be present. When we have sex, love doesn't need to be present. According to Kennair, Bendixen & Buss (2016), the goal of sex is physical gratification. On the other hand, Person (2007) explained that love seeks to fulfill emotional and physical gratification. The session ends at the end of sex, but they still want to connect through cuddling if the couple is making love. 

How Long Should People Have Sex?

Researchers have found that the ideal time to have sex is between 7 -13 minutes. Some researchers questioned a team of sex therapists about how long vaginal sex should last. The results were: 1–2 minutes was "too short," while 10–30 minutes was considered "too long", and 3–7 minutes was rated "adequate," while 7–13 minutes was deemed "desirable". The duration is usually determined by factors such as age and sexual dysfunction. 

The time differs from one person to another. Whether the sex you have with your partner lasts long enough or is too short is relative. Seven minutes may seem long for one person, yet it may seem short for someone else. It is important to realize that no magic number exists for how long sex should be. Only one person can tell you whether the sex was long or short, and that's your partner. Sex is different for everybody but for women, timing how long the sex starts from the moment the foreplay begins. The intercourse may be very short, but for most women, the sex is as long as the intercourse. So if they refer to a man as a one-minute man, the chances are that the man does not begin with sufficient foreplay. No woman will refer to a man as a one-minute man if he takes his time during foreplay to ensure that she is properly aroused. It gets better if he places her in a cuddle after sex. The woman will count the time from when the foreplay began to when the man ejaculated, and that's how most men can please women without thrusting for several minutes. According to Kreuter et al. (2011), foreplay makes one relax and enjoy sex.

So How Long Should Lovemaking Last?

Timing lovemaking is more complex than timing sex. At what stage does lovemaking start? Does it start during foreplay? Does it end after an orgasm or after cuddling? Can cuddling be timed? We cannot time lovemaking. Some people time lovemaking by how they feel in the end. Lovemaking is not about the quantity of sex but rather the quality of sex. That's why a woman can be very satisfied by sex that lasts for a few minutes as long as the foreplay and cuddling are sufficient. Lloyd (2009) explained that women take longer to orgasm.

On the other hand, a woman may be dissatisfied with lovemaking. We need the woman's point of view because lovemaking lasts for as long as the man can go on in cases where the man experiences premature ejaculation that is beyond him. After all, ejaculation is controlled by nerves. During lovemaking, premature ejaculation won't matter so long as there is an exchange of genuine emotions rather than an exchange of physical energy. Lovemaking is for partners who understand each other's shortcomings. The lovers are in a lovemaking mode every time.


There are billions of people in the world, and it's impossible to know what sex means to them all just by picking some few hundreds of people and expecting them to speak on behalf of the billions of people. Sex has different meanings to everyone, and the duration of sex differs from person to person. Knowing how long lovemaking lasts is even more difficult because lovemaking has no fixed beginning. Lovemaking is not like sex, where you know that it starts with foreplay. Sex starts with foreplay, then intercourse, and ends with ejaculation. But when does lovemaking end or start? Nobody knows. For that reason, the ideal time that lovemaking should take depends on the relationship between yourself and your partner.


Kennair, L. E. O., Bendixen, M., & Buss, D. M. (2016). Sexual regret: Tests of competing explanations of sex differences. Evolutionary Psychology14(4), 1474704916682903.

Kreuter, M., Taft, C., Siösteen, A., & Biering-Sørensen, F. (2011). Women's sexual functioning and sex life after spinal cord injury. Spinal cord49(1), 154-160.

Lloyd, E. A. (2009). The case of the female orgasm: Bias in the science of evolution. Harvard University Press.Person, E. S. (2007). Dreams of love and fateful encounters: The power of romantic passion. American Psychiatric Pub.