WHAT TO DO IF YOU HAVE A LOWER SEX DRIVE THAN YOUR PARTNER

Do you know that each partner has a different sex drive in a relationship or marriage? If you have a lower sex drive than your partner, talk openly about what you prefer, care about your spouse's feelings, make medical checkups, make the sexual relationship a bigger priority, and look for smaller flatter.

There is no question in marriages about sex, as it's the bind that ties. For couples, there is trouble behind closed doors; one out of every three couples has a sexual desire gap. In this marriage, one spouse wants sex more often than the other leading to trouble. You require to be proactive if you want things to improve your relationship. Whether you are the spouse whose interest in sex is low or the one whose desire is higher, below are tips for a spouse whose desire for sex is low;

Talk Openly About What You Prefer.

When you figure out what you like and don't like, you have to oblige to discuss it openly and with specifics with your partner. Don't be embarrassed; you aren't going to get far if you don't address this directly. Use action-oriented terms; it's not enough to tell your partner,“ I would prefer we make love rather than have sex" you need to put into action-oriented terms what you mean by making love. You may say, “To me, it feels like when we are making love, when we spend more time making eye contact, when we spend time kissing, when you touch my hair or lightly touch my face, it makes me feel like we are making love and it feels tender”. At first, it might feel strange to be specific about your encounters, but your partner won't understand your need unless you tell them. Watson & Kimble (2017) explained that sometimes, it is hard to put what turns you on and show your spouse what to do. Poon (2017) explained that if it's hard for you, you can read articles or books on improving your sex life self-help book together. It will bring some discussion and who knows what else. If talking things out doesn't work, you can see the therapist.

Care About Your Spouse's Feeling

Although you had reasons not to be in the mood, it's clear that your spouse has probably hurt and felt rejected because of it. But part of healing that must take place between the two of you involves your active participation in things that will help your partner feel better: earlier times in your relationship, the two of you were flirtatious, there winks of your eyes, pats on your butt, lightly touching, a kiss blew across the crowded room, smiling at each other, well-timed compliment about their appearances. Frederick et al. (2017) explained that playfulness keeps your passion alive. Pay more energy on things your partner knows are attractive by flirting. If you're not in the mood, it’s okay to say no, and you shouldn't feel bad about it. However, when you say no, come up with an alternative suggestion. Maybe later in the day might be good for you. Because you're not in the mood doesn't mean you can't do something to pleasure your spouse. Your spouse might insist that it's the only way they are interested in being sexual; convince them otherwise if your heart isn't into it. There's nothing wrong and everything right with the idea of pleasing your spouse from time to time since your sexual desire might always be lower. It does not have to be reciprocated. Convince them what you feel good hiving to them.

Medical Checkup

Doornwaard et al. (2016) explained that to eliminate your psychological causes for your lack of sexual desire:

• Visit your family gynecologist or physician to request hormone replacement therapy such as testosterone.
• Evaluate whether medical conditions or medication effects are the factors in your situation.
• Discuss if herbal or diety change might help.

Make Sexual Relationships A Bigger Priority.

There's a reason you should take your sex life off the back burner and pay attention to it. Your relationship with your spouse and your marriage depends on it. Your spouse's feelings about themselves and your future together depend on it. Unless your partner agrees with you wholeheartedly, stop thinking you can have a great relationship without satisfying them. Don't resign yourself to a passionless relationship to avoid true intimacy. Unless you're enjoying your intimate relationship, you're cheating yourself. You don't feel cheated if you are not all interested in sex at the moment. Take a moment and think back to when sex was more fulfilling. Recall what it felt to be more passionate. You may ask yourself what happened to your passion when you think back to when things were better between you sexually. What caused this to change in you. You may wonder if you will ever feel the same way being sexual as you once did. You have backed away since your spouse focused on sex in your marriage and felt pressured about it. The cat and mouse in your relationship may have damped your desire, fooling you into thinking you don't like sex anymore. Your negative feeling may have more to do with the chase than sex.

Look For Small Flutter.

People with low sexual desire never experience earth-shattering sexual urges as sexually-oriented partners do. It is barely noticeable, rather than assuming that the tidal wave will be the cue as sex time. Look for more subtle signs. Have you ever thought that your partner looks good tonight, that you like their perfume/cologne, or that you are attracted to someone on a television show and in a sexy mood? When you feel a pulse of desire, follow through with it.

Conclusion

Communication, compromises, and spicing things up in the bedroom might help overcome the obstacles. Having different sex drives with your partner is an obstacle many couples face as they stay together for longer. Stress hormone levels can cause a lower sex drive to work on it.

References

Doornwaard, S. M., van Den Eijnden, R. J., Baams, L., Vanwesenbeeck, I., & Ter Bogt, T. F. (2016). Lower psychological well-being and excessive sexual interest predict symptoms of compulsive use of sexually explicit internet material among adolescent boys. Journal of youth and adolescence, 45(1), 73-84.

Frederick, D. A., Lever, J., Gillespie, B. J., & Garcia, J. R. (2017). What keeps the passion alive? Sexual satisfaction is associated with sexual communication, mood setting, sexual variety, oral sex, orgasm, and sex frequency in a national US study. The Journal of Sex Research, 54(2), 186-201.

Poon, A. (2017). Helping the novel: Neoliberalism, self-help, and the narrating of the self in Mohsin Hamid’s How to Get Filthy Rich in Rising Asia. The Journal of Commonwealth Literature, 52(1), 139-150.

Watson, J. B., & Kimble, G. A. (2017). Behaviorism. Routledge.