FROM THE EXPERTS: THE IMPORTANCE OF FANTASIES IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sex rules our lives. Almost everything we do is the foundation for having sex. It’s importance include improving relationships, engagements, increasing sexual desire.
Everyone has a fantasy that they can or cannot explore. Some fantasies go against the basis of the relationship or society's expectations, and we suppress them because we do not want to be judged. Experts suggest that we should be able to pursue our fantasies to make our relationships better and more fulfilling. Bivona & Critelli (2008) suggests that fantasies and dreams are subconscious wishes. The following are some reasons why fantasies are important in relationships, according to experts;
Improving Relationships
According to a study conducted by Birnbaum (2019), our fantasies could help us improve the quality of our relationships. We should not deny ourselves a chance to pursue our fantasies out of the fear of being judged by society. A relationship therapist, Esther Perel, says that fantasy is responsible for the spark in long-distance relationships because they involve a lot of fantasy play. They communicate about what they want to do to each other when they meet. That makes fantasies very important in building anticipation. The couple fantasizes and recreates new fantasies about what they want to do together. A constant spark between them is kept alive by their eagerness to explore the collection of fantasies that they may have together. People in long-distance relationships do not have a choice. They must have fantasies to keep the relationship alive and keep the relationship going. People who live need to be creative because they are always together. They will exhaust the fantasy ideas at some point, and the relationship will die if they do not come up with more ideas. The couple should be careful not to turn the fantasy play into a routine.
Increasing Sexual Desire
Couples build anticipation by engaging in fantasy play in sexual desire. People should share their desires and fantasize regularly. Sex is not just a physical activity. The most important thing is understanding what excites your partner. That's why BDSM is popular. It is not just about the sex. It is the thought process between the couple. BDSM does work on emotions too.
Improving Engagement
Fantasy play allows couples to bond, making it fun for them to reconnect with each other. The engagement between partners stems from the fact that they know each other’s fantasies. Fantasy play does not end when one reaches an orgasm. Couples would want to talk and relate with each other more
The Perception Changes
When you center your fantasies on your partner, Your perception of them changes your sexual life. Fantasizing about others is okay, but fantasizing about your partner will directly impact your bedroom and sex life. Your partner is stuck with the thoughts of the person you were during the fantasy play and may want to revisit it to meet the person you were. Most partners feel trusted when their partners invite them into their fantasy world because it is a world that is hidden only to be shared by a trusted partner. If your partner is impressed, they are probably excited about the person you are. Fantasy play will allow your partner to be free with you and share their fantasy with you. If they thought that you were boring, they would be able to see that there is a side of you that they like now that you have invited them into it.
It Increases the Sexual Appeal
A relationship with plenty of healthy sex is appealing. That’s why couples who seem to fantasize about their partners are more appealing. They seem more attractive as a couple. Dressing up can resurrect the sexual appeal in the bedroom. When you wear clothes that are not ordinary, to seduce your partner, they will see you as a different person. The role you play while dressed sticks in mind and is appreciated as the other side of you- the sexy side. People who see you outside may think you are a conservative homely person, but your partner sees a different person through all the charade you try to cover with clothes. He sees the sexual appeal.
Conclusion
We should not suppress fantasies. Sexual fantasies can be very useful in our relationships if used correctly. Seemingly, partners who use fantasies during love making have a deeper bond than other partners. Once our lives in the bedroom become a routine, the same clothes, positions, and partner can be boring. The partners need to change things in the bedroom and start afresh, igniting more spark. Once in a while, partners should make an effort to improve their sex life, or once it gets boring, they will not want to have sex with each other again. Partners need to make an effort to revive the spark of the relationship by exploring their fantasies.
References
Bivona, J. M., & Critelli, J. W. (2008). Women's Erotic Rape Fantasies (Doctoral dissertation, University of North Texas).
Birnbaum, G. E., Kanat-Maymon, Y., Mizrahi, M., Recanati, M., & Orr, R. (2019). What fantasies can do to your relationship: The effects of sexual fantasies on couple interactions. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 45(3), 461-476.