TALKING ABOUT SEX WITH YOUR PARTNER

You need to communicate with your partner about the uncomfortable issues to maintain a good relationship. Some issues you can discuss include; masturbation, fantasies, and family planning.

People think having sex with your partner is the most vulnerable situation you will ever be in. The most awkward scenario a person can experience is having sex talk with their partner. It might be hard, but it is a talk that you need to have with them, especially if you are planning to have them in your life for a longer period. Having sex talk will make you realize that things are getting better for you. You will get to know more about each other and what you want to get from your partner. Not having communication will make it difficult to improve your sex life. Some of the ways you can start to talk about sex with your partner include;

Talk About It Early in The Relationship

It is good to start having this talk when you have started the relationship. Stalling this talk will make it difficult in the long run, and you will have a hard time talking about such issues with your partner. However, it would help if you first built trust and intimacy with them so that it may be easier for you to have that talk. Talk about your fantasies and what you love doing. Be sure to also listen to what your partner loves. Do not bombard them with questions. The topic should be calm as you get to know each other.

Check On the Timing

You must check on the timing before introducing the sex topic. Do not introduce it when the both of you are getting down and are in the heat of the moment. Ensure not to also talk about it when you have finished having sex or planning to. Create some time and have that talk far away from the bedroom. It should be a calm time when both of you are relaxed, especially if it seems like the topic will be about what you expect from them. However, if you are to talk about your fantasies, you can talk about them while watching an erotic film together or when you are already turned on.

Be Clear

Do not beat around the bush and be clear about what you want to discuss with them. Avoid giving give out hints to your partner, hoping that they will get what you are trying to say. Some partners may get it and pretend not to have gotten the message. Others will not have a hint of what you are driving at. Your partner is not a psychic and will not be able to read your mind. According to Turner & Crane (2016), speak up if you are not happy with what your partner does to you when you are getting down in your sexual activity. Talk to them and be clear about what you would like to change regarding your sexual life.

Do Not Be Critical

Avoid the “you" sentences. They make it seem like you are accusing your partner. It is a communication that you are trying to have with your partner. Try and be nice and instead use the "I" in sentences. This will make it easier for your partner to want to get to know what you feel and how they can improve or even what you to change. According to Gable et al. (2004), be positive and talk about the great things that your partner has done for you and where you would feel like they need to improve. The “you” sentences and statements will make them feel like they are being nagged.

Listen And Engage Yourself in The Conversation

Do not only talk about your issues and not listen to what your partner says. You can communicate all you want, but the best thing is comprehending what the issue is. Talk to your partner about your issues and ask questions troubling you. However, as you talk, listen to what they have to say about the issue. “Could you not make it all about you?” Once they have given you an answer or reply, try and put yourself in their shoes and see if they are objective to what you are saying. Let them also be free about what they want to get from you. Both of you will come to a compromise at this time.

Issues to Discuss

Sexual Fantasies

People get into relationships, and they are not sure how they will talk to their partner about the fantasies they have. Partners may also have fears about how to express themselves to you as Mahalik et al. (2003) noted. You can break the ice and be the one to talk about it. While watching porn or erotic, you can introduce the topic to them, and they are likely to get turned on. You may be shocked that maybe your fantasies happen to be the same as theirs.

Safe Sex and Family Planning

Sex can be fun and exciting, but it is important to ensure that you are having safe sex as Hillier et al. (1998) suggested. Know your partner's health status before engaging in sexual activities with them. If it is a new partner and you are afraid of going for a check-up with them, you can at least use a condom. You can also talk about the best family planning methods to avoid unwanted pregnancies.

Conclusion

Having sex talk with your partner can, at times, feel like a difficult topic to have. The best thing about this talk is that things will get easy for you once you have it. You have to figure out how you are going to break the ice. Ensure it does not feel like you are trying to be confrontational. Think about what you are going to discuss together and how you will solve the issue. Do not just talk about the issue but try to comprehend what the whole issue is all about.

References

Gable, S. L., Gonzaga, G. C., & Strachman, A. (2006). Will You Be There For Me When Things Go Right? Supportive Responses To Positive Event Disclosures. Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, 91(5), 904.

Hillier, L., Harrison, L., & Warr, D. (1998). “When You Carry Condoms All The Boys Think You Want It”: Negotiating Competing Discourses About Safe Sex. Journal Of Adolescence, 21(1), 15-29.

Mahalik, J. R., Good, G. E., & Englar-Carlson, M. (2003). Masculinity Scripts, Presenting Concerns, And Help-Seeking: Implications For Practice And Training. Professional Psychology: Research And Practice, 34(2), 123.

Turner, G. W., & Crane, B. (2016). Sexually Silenced No More, Adults With Learning Disabilities Speak Up: A Call To Action For Social Work To Frame Sexual Voice As A Social Justice Issue. The British Journal Of Social Work, Bcw133.