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How to Introduce Sex Toys into Your Relationship

How to Introduce Sex Toys into Your Relationship

How to Introduce Sex Toys into Your Relationship

You can introduce sex toys in your relationship by having a conversation about them to find out what your partner thinks about sex toys.

Döring (2021) noted that everyone who uses sex toys got the idea from someone else. It is an acquired preference, and it spreads from person to person. Some of us got the sex toy idea from a sitcom or a tv show. Using sex toys has never been an original idea. Introducing sex toys into the relationship should not be a difficult task. But sometimes, you get entangled in a relationship with someone who has never used a sex toy. You do not want to shock them with your massive dildo. You also must consider that you may put off your partner if they do not like the sex toy idea. Below are some great ideas that can help you introduce the sex toys into the relationship;

Find Out What Your partner Thinks About Sex Toys

You do not have to ask them what they think about sex toys directly. You could get them to watch a clip with undertones about sex toys, and you ask them from that angle. For instance, if you watch the comedy film, The Ugly Truth, there's a part where Katherine Heigl's character is stuck in her wearable sex toys at dinner, Lutz, et al., (2012). It is easier to get a partner to give an opinion about something when they know it doesn't involve you than when you ask them about something that directly involves you. If they like the idea of sex toys, great, you can get out your sex toys, but if they strongly do not like the idea, then great too. That gives you more time to develop ideas to get the toys in the relationship.

Have A Conversation About It

You could be worried about sex toys and if your partner would allow you to bring them in, but you won't get their opinion if you don't have a conversation. Your partner may have the same thought but is worried about your reaction. When you have a conversation, that's how you'll know where you both stand with sex toys.


Ferguson (2014) noted that role-play is the perfect place to introduce your sex toys because it's the only chance you get at being your kinkiest self without being judged. Your partner will not be shocked if you come into play with your sex toy collection. They'll probably be impressed. Remember that you shouldn't shove things into your partner, even during role-play, without their consent. You could use the sex toys on their bodies to explore their erogenous spots so that they get familiar with the sex toys.

Allow them to use a toy on you

Give them a chance to pleasure you with a toy. Sometimes a partner is reluctant about sex toys because they do not know what role they will have as far as the toys are concerned. When they know they can make you happy with toys, they will be interested in using toys.

Use the Least Invasive Sex Toy on Your partner

Find a toy you can use on your partner and not necessarily when you are having sex. You should use the least intimidating and invasive sex toy. It could be a clitoral or a finger vibrator. Getting out the dildo will not be a great idea, especially in a heterosexual relationship. If the man does not like sex toys, the dildo is the last thing he wants to see in the relationship. 

Use Lube

As soon as you've realized that your partner hates sex toys because of the pain they may experience, then you know that lube is the solution. The general sex toy rule is that you shouldn't insert anything anally without lube because the anal canal does not produce lubrication like the vagina. And even if the vagina produces lubrication, you should use lube to ensure there's no pain, only pleasure.

Shop for Their Toys Too

If you are in a heterosexual relationship, the chances are that the toys you have are meant for your gender only. According to Döring et al. (2018), there are sex toys for each gender men can even get fake vaginas, known as flashlights, while the women get fake phalluses known as dildos. You can even mold a penis into a dildo if your man is reluctant about letting dildos in the bedroom. People in same-sex relationships also must go out and shop for better sex toys. It's all about more spice in the bedroom.

Do Not Apologize

Your partner may be offended that you want to include sex toys in the relationship. They may feel insufficient. They probably are insufficient, but the real reason why some people may want sex toys in the relationship is for more fun. Your partner may misunderstand you, but you should not apologize for your sexual desires.

Do Not Criticize Them

You may feel disappointed by your partner's rigidness and lack of open-mindedness to new ideas, but you should not criticize them. You should be open-minded enough to understand that not everyone is into the same sexual adventures. 

If you take the disappointment lightly, you might guilt your partner into wanting to try them out with you. But if you criticize them, they may resent you for that. Allow them to turn down what they don't want without being criticized. You can introduce sex toys in your relationship. (Carpenter et al., 2018).

Do Not Feel Guilty

Do not feel guilty for introducing the idea of sex toy toys to your partner. You had to do that so that you may know what your partner is into. Relationships are all about knowing each other, and there's no reason anyone should feel guilty about wanting to know their partner more. Besides, your partner may react to misunderstanding the role of sex toys, but they may soften up with time. 


Tchepikova (2014) noted that introducing sex toys in a relationship should be as easy and natural as wearing lingerie. The best time to introduce sex toys is before the relationship starts so that you know whether it will be a deal-breaker or not. Once you get into the relationship, it doesn't make sense to break up because your partner rejected the idea of having sex toys in the relationship. However, if your partner doesn't want sex toys in the relationship, you can squeeze them in as items that you use to find the erogenous parts of your body. Before you know it, the items will be used as sex toys within the same relationship where the other partner initially rejected them.


October). From sex toys to pleasure objects. In Politics of the Machine-Art and After: EVA-Copenhagen. British Computer Society.

Döring, N., & Pöschl, S. (2018). Sex toys, sex dolls, sex robots: Our under-researched bed-fellows. Sexologies27(3), e51-e55.

Döring, N. (2021). Sex toys. Encyclopedia of sexuality and gender. Cham, Switzerland: Springer.

Ferguson, A. (2014). The sex doll: A history. McFarland.

Tchepikova, O. (2014). The Power of Pleasure Devices: Sex Toys and Dominance in Society and Pop Culture. Early Career Researchers II, 77.

Lutz, K. M., Smith, K., Rosenberg, T., Lucchesi, G., Heigl, K., Somerville, B., ... & Entertainment, L. (2012). The Ugly Truth (film).