10 THINGS CAUSING BAD SEX AND HOW TO FIX THEM (MEN’S GUIDE)
Sex is a natural part of human life. It is a gift that, when performed well, can add happiness to a relationship. People have different ways of engaging in sexual activities. For this reason, some couples finish the act satisfied while others are frustrated. This blog discusses things causing bad sex and how to fix them. The culprits include skipping foreplay, poor communication, failing to pay attention to your partner's non-verbal cues, and sticking to an old routine.
Do you and your partner get a kind of sex that attracts 5-star reviews or leaves both of you disappointed? If it's the latter, it is safe to say that it is "bad sex". Disappointment is something you may never want close to your bedroom. It slowly consumes the happiness in your relationship, drifting you apart. Before you know it, you will be looking at a breakup or divorce. Bad sex implies something important is missing in your sexual routine. Identifying the missing links and fixing them sooner rather than later brings your relationship to the feet. Unfortunately, spotting the causes of bad sex is not a gift every couple possesses. Here are the ten things that may cause bad sex and how to fix them.
Skipping Foreplay
Foreplay is a fundamental aspect of great sex. It comes in a range of activities, from eating each other out to kissing and cuddling to dirty talking. According to Kreuter et al. (2011), foreplay makes one relax and enjoy sex. Also, Harris (1995) stated that dirty talking is one of the most distinguishing features of sex. Foreplay sets your partner into the sexual mood, making it easy for the big O. Sure, women take longer to get off than men. That being said, engaging in foreplay ensures you and your partner get an orgasm in the end. If your sex has been bad recently, check the foreplay part. If it lacks in your sexual routine, make it the first step.
Your partner needs to be mentally and physically prepared for both of you to enjoy every minute in the bedroom. Take baby steps when you decide to get into it.
Switching Off After Getting Your Orgasm
Most men switch off after getting their orgasm. This marks the end of sex, whether or not the other partner has also reached an orgasm. Switching off after reaching orgasm is a bad sexual experience, especially if the other partner is unsatisfied. In this case, they are more likely to think you only care for your needs, which is not a good thing. Not giving your partner a chance to catch up with you as far as orgasms are concerned sets the stage for relationship conflicts. Before you know it, a divorce or breakup will be knocking at your door.
According to Armstrong, England & Fogarty (2012), good sex involves both partners reaching an orgasm. If you climax before your partner, do whatever it takes to help them achieve the big O. If you used a technique that you recently saw on TV but did not for your partner, try something else. Normally, women respond to different sexual techniques and finding one that suits your partner can smooth the path to good sex.
Seeing Your Partner as a Stranger
Seeing your partner as a stranger makes you uncomfortable when you are around them. Feeling 'unsafe' when you are with your partner worsens your sexual interactions, negatively affecting your sex. You tend to be more comfortable chatting with your friends or those who know your ins and outs than strangers. The feeling of being safe around these people makes you more open to them. This is not different in romantic relationships. You and your partner being comfortable around each other makes you feel 'safe', positively affecting your sex.
Normalize having conversations outside the bedroom. Discuss various things you are going through in life to deepen your connection. Do things that make you happy and create memories together. This will make you more relaxed in the bedroom, positively affecting your bedroom activities.
Poor Personal Hygiene
Poor personal hygiene can be anything from a smelly mouth to being sweaty, or failing to apply deodorant. The big issue is getting intimate with your partner with one or more aforementioned forms of bad personal hygiene. Obviously, it will be a turn-off, resulting in sexual problems. Brody et al. (2021) stated that it is important to clean yourself before hitting the bedroom. Good hygiene guarantees a good sexual time for you and your partner. Make your special hygiene concerns or preferences known to her too. Communicate well so as not to make your partner feel attacked or criticized.
Not Trying New Things
Sex can be boring, especially if you don't change venues, sex positions, or experiment with additions like sex toys. Talk to your partner about new things that can make your sexual routine more exciting, fun, or pleasurable. Chances are there are ideas they will not buy. In this case, do not pressure them into things that can compromise their comfort.
Your Partner is in a Come Down Period
A come-down period affects mood. This can happen once, especially if your partner has work-related stress or is ill. If your partner regularly shows a lack of sexual mood, there might be a bigger problem. Chances are your sexual performance is low; thus, they are not satisfied any time you get into it. To fix this, help them with household chores. This makes things a little easier for them, especially after a stressful day at work. Being stable mentally and psychologically positively affects her sexual desire, making her sex great.
Not Paying Attention to Your Partner’s Non-Verbal Cues
If you have been with your partner for a long time, you are less likely to pay attention to their non-verbal cues. While this may seem normal to you, it may be one of the reasons there is no sexual enjoyment in your bedroom. The best way to navigate this is to start paying attention to your partner's nonverbal cues. These include how they moan, groan, breathe and move their body when you are into them. Always maintain eye contact during sex not to miss out on any nonverbal cues.
Having Sex While Too Drunk
A little alcohol in your system won’t affect your sexual performance. However, too much alcohol compromises your focus during sex, making you less likely to pay attention to your partner's nonverbal cues. Also, it numbs physical sensations and affects the quality of orgasm. If you must take alcohol, do it moderately. Your focus should be on the prize, allowing you and your partner to enjoy sex to the fullest.
Climaxing Earlier Than Your Partner Expects You To
While some men intentionally fail to bring their partners to orgasm, others fail to provide satisfaction unwillingly. The latter category cums much earlier, leaving the other partner sexually unsatisfied. Since you now know women take longer to get off, you may want to try Kegel exercises to control your ejaculation properly. Delay sprays can also be a good deal. These products desensitize your penis, allowing you to thrust into your partner for a little longer. You can also try cock rings, which restrict blood flow from the penis, giving you hard-rock and long-lasting erections.
The Bottom Line
Although bad sex seems like a 'failure', there are myriad ways to make things right in your bedroom again. Understand bad sex is something common in various bedrooms. Viewing it as a learning opportunity rather than a failure allows you to get up and find the solution. Bad sex stems from various issues. These issues are discussed above and how to solve them. Go through them and enjoy your sex.
References
Kreuter, M., Taft, C., Siösteen, A., & Biering-Sørensen, F. (2011). Women's sexual functioning and sex life after spinal cord injury. Spinal cord, 49(1), 154-160.
Harris, D. (1995). Dirty Talk. The Baffler, (7), 91-97.
Armstrong, E. A., England, P., & Fogarty, A. C. (2012). Accounting for women’s orgasm and sexual enjoyment in college hookups and relationships. American Sociological Review, 77(3), 435-462.
Brody, C., Berkowitz, R. L., Chhoun, P., Kaplan, K. C., Tuot, S., & Yi, S. (2021). “Feeling clean”: stigma and intravaginal practices among female entertainment workers in Cambodia. BMC Women's Health, 21(1), 1-9.