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INTRODUCTION TO POLYAMORY AND NONMONOGAMY

INTRODUCTION TO POLYAMORY AND NONMONOGAMY

Modern love has embraced the idea of having multiple partners. It has now become a normal thing among people the society. Below is detailed information about polyamory and non-monogamy.

According to Conley et al. (2013), non-monogamous relationships are when partners consent to be together but can also see or have relations with other people and are honest. Both of them know that there are other people in the relationship. The fact that they are open and honest with each other makes this type of relationship be called ethical non-monogamy. Non-monogamy offers a shade to different types of relationships. Some of these relationships are swinging, threesomes and polyamory. According to Weitzman et al. (2009), polyamory takes a relationship-oriented approach and is not sex-oriented. Some rules govern non-monogamous relationships. All partners must agree to it and give their full consent to work and be considered ethical. They need to know about one another. Some of the ways to introduce polyamory and non-monogamy include;

Engage In Self-Analysis First    

Before talking to your partner about non-monogamy, try and reflect on why you want it and your expectations. What are your interests when you go into a polyamorous relationship? Being in a non-monogamous relationship requires being open and honest with your partners. That is why it is ethical. It also should not be because you are not getting sexually satisfied. Try to get into the relationship because you want to explore what is outside. Make it about the excitement it can bring to you and your partner.

Have Sensible Expectations 

When introducing the topic to your partner, you should have realistic and sensible expectations from them. It may happen that your partner has been insecure about the whole relationship, and you are expecting them to agree to the whole idea. They may brush it off and not agree to it. It can also be that they have always wanted to explore the whole idea, but they had no idea how they would approach you and the opinion you would have on them. So be sure to expect any reaction from them. Prepare to get any response from them, especially if you had started the relationship with the idea that you will always be in a monogamous relationship. They may feel betrayed.

Introduce the Topic at the Right Time and Place

Read your partner’s mood before talking to them about the whole issue. Make sure that the time you introduce the topic is not when the both of you are mad at each other or you are not on good talking terms. You can try by telling them that there is something you would want to discuss with them. When they get the time, they may ask you what you want to discuss, and you will then introduce the topic if you feel like it is the right place. The topic may introduce mixed feelings and may even turn more confronting. This will give you time to express yourself. Your partner will get to hear from you as you share your thoughts and why you would want to explore the ethical, non-monogamy relationship.

State Your Intentions and What You Expect from the Topic  

Start the topic by telling them what you know about polyamory. Ensure that they know that you do not expect them to agree to the conversation if they feel like they don't want to. Be truthful with them and tell them your intentions and what you would expect from them after the conversation. Try and let them know that you would like to know about their feelings regarding the whole topic. If there is great communication between you, you are likely, to be honest with each other and agree.

Be Understanding and Listen  

Once you have introduced the topic to your partner, try to listen to what they have to say. Allow them to have that space to talk about how they feel about the whole issue. Be engaging and make them feel like you understand their point and their reservations. You can try showing that you are listening using non-verbal cues like nodding your head and agreeing to what they are trying to project.  

Give Your Partner Time and Space

Do not force your partner to give you an answer or respond to you at that time. Give them some space to think about the whole conversation. Let them process everything and know if that is something they are willing to try. Also, let them be the ones to bring back that issue, and then you can talk about it. Be understanding of what they say or respond to. Make them feel like you understand them and their feelings at that time. Do not force that idea on them. If you force it on them, you will likely not enjoy anything from the relationship because you coerced them into agreeing to the whole idea. Let it happen naturally, and you will experience more fun.

Conclusion

Talking to your partner should be the first thing you do to introduce the polyamory and non-monogamy talk. If they fail to agree, you can not go ahead with it because it is supposed to be ethical, meaning the both of you have to agree and give consent for it to happen. Your partner may have issues regarding the whole conversation and may want to stay in a monogamous relationship. You can, however, introduce the topic to them and be honest about your intention and needs. You may be successful in the long run, and you may have to explore so much more than you ever have. It is always so much fun and exciting when both of you have given full consent and are not being forced into it.

References

Conley, T. D., Moors, A. C., Matsick, J. L., & Ziegler, A. (2013). The fewer the merrier?: Assessing stigma surrounding consensually non‐monogamous romantic relationships.

Weitzman, G., Davidson, J., Phillips, R. A., Fleckenstein, J. R., & Morotti-Meeker, C. (2009). What psychology professionals should know about polyamory. National Coalition on Sexual Freedom7, 1-28.

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