Keep Things Steamy: 6 Wild BDSM Games to Try Tonight

Content Verification

Written by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Barbara Santini
Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor

Imagine your bedroom becoming a playground of desire and experimentation, where every session is a thrilling adventure. BDSM isn’t just about the ties and toys—it’s about pushing boundaries, discovering new sensations, and keeping things exciting. So, how do you keep the fire burning in your play? By trying something wild and different! In this article, we’ll guide you through six hot BDSM games that’ll keep your sessions fresh and electrifying. From controlling remote toys that heighten pleasure and anticipation to exploring the icy thrills of ice play, we’ll dive into polling punishment, task-oriented activities, reading the cards, and even stranger role play. By the end, you’ll have a toolkit of ideas to make your BDSM play more exciting, more intimate, and, above all, unforgettable. Ready to spice things up? Let’s begin!

Playing with Remote Toys

Remote control toys have become a popular addition to BDSM play, enhancing sensations and control in ways that manual methods can’t always match. These toys allow for precise manipulation, making them perfect for those looking to experiment with new sensations and intensify their play. But how do you get started with these gadgets? And which ones are best for your needs?

Remote Control Toys in BDSM Play

Remote control toys in BDSM are not just about gadgets— they’re about enhancing the connection between partners and pushing physical boundaries. “Using remote toys in BDSM is like turning your play into a dance of control,” says Barbara Santini, a psychologist and relationship advisor. “It’s about giving one partner the power to dictate sensations, from gentle vibrations to more intense pulses, which can create a heightened sense of anticipation and control.” These toys can transform the experience from simple physical interactions to deep, psychological play, making every moment feel charged with possibility.

How They Can Enhance Control, Sensation, and Excitement

“Remote control toys allow for more control over the experience,” explains Katie Lasson, a sex and relationship advisor. “You can adjust the intensity and pattern of vibrations from afar, which adds a layer of excitement and unpredictability to the play.” This unpredictability can keep things fresh, turning every session into a new experience. The thrill of not knowing exactly when or how the next sensation will come can heighten the anticipation and deepen the connection between partners. Whether it’s a simple bullet vibrator or a more complex device with multiple settings, the key is to find something that matches your desires and preferences.

Tips on Choosing and Using Remote Toys Safely

When selecting a remote toy, it’s important to consider safety and comfort. “Look for toys that are made from body-safe materials like silicone or ABS plastic,” advises Tatyana Dyachenko, a sexual and relationship therapist. “These materials are non-porous, easy to clean, and less likely to cause irritation.” It’s also crucial to choose toys with rechargeable batteries and waterproof designs, ensuring they are easy to use and maintain. “Always check the toy’s specifications and make sure it’s compatible with your control device,” Dyachenko adds. This ensures that the toy functions as intended and that the experience is safe and enjoyable.

Recommended Toys and Their Features

Some popular remote control toys in BDSM include vibrating plugs, remote-controlled panties, and wand massagers. “A vibrating plug can provide internal stimulation while allowing the wearer to control the intensity,” Santini notes. “This creates a different dynamic in play, giving the partner outside the control a unique insight into what the toy can do.” Remote-controlled panties, on the other hand, allow for external stimulation that can be controlled from a distance, perfect for both solo and partner play. Toys like these often come with features such as different vibration modes and wireless connections, allowing for versatile play.

Examples of Scenarios to Try With Remote Toys

One simple scenario is using a vibrating bullet during public play. The controller can use the toy to provide gentle or powerful vibrations in public places, controlled discreetly from a distance. “This not only heightens the physical sensation but also adds an element of psychological play,” says Santini. “The knowledge that the control lies with someone else can be incredibly thrilling.” For a more intimate experience, using remote-controlled panties can add a new layer to solo play. The wearer can be in complete control, adjusting the intensity to match their mood. These scenarios are just the beginning—remote toys can be incorporated into almost any part of BDSM play, adding a level of excitement and unpredictability that can keep sessions fresh and engaging.

Ice Ice Baby

Ice play is one of the most sensual and provocative elements of BDSM, combining physical sensation with psychological excitement. It’s not just about feeling cold— it’s about exploring how temperature variations can intensify physical responses and deepen the emotional connection between partners. But how does it work, and what precautions should you take when using ice in your sessions?

What Is Ice Play In BDSM?

Ice play involves using ice cubes or frozen materials to create sensations of cold and heat on the skin. “It’s about manipulating temperature to heighten sensitivity,” says Dyachenko. “The sudden shock of cold can cause a release of endorphins, creating feelings of euphoria and pleasure.” Ice play can be as simple as placing a cube on the skin and watching how the body reacts to the chill, or as complex as rolling ice over sensitive areas to create an erotic, tingling sensation. This practice is not just about sensation— it’s also about pushing boundaries and exploring psychological reactions to temperature change.

The Sensation Play Aspect and Its Psychological Impact

The sensation of cold can heighten nerve sensitivity and cause a sharp contrast to the warmth and comfort typically associated with human touch. “Ice play can create a psychological thrill by challenging your comfort zone,” Dyachenko explains. “The anticipation of what’s coming next can amplify the experience, turning each touch into a potent moment of connection.” This can be incredibly arousing for both partners, as it combines physical sensation with emotional intimacy. It’s about exploring new ways to feel pleasure and connection through the contrast of temperature, and how this can enhance the power dynamic within the scene.

Safety Precautions and Methods for Using Ice

Using ice in BDSM play requires careful attention to safety. “Always start slow and be mindful of your partner’s reactions,” advises Lasson. “Cold sensations can feel intense, so it’s important to check in regularly and adjust if needed.” Start by using small cubes and gently place them on different areas of the body. Always monitor the skin’s reaction—if the area turns red, burns, or becomes too numb, remove the ice immediately. Using ice in moderation and ensuring that it’s not left on the skin for too long can prevent discomfort and injury. “Keep in mind that some people may be more sensitive to the cold, so it’s crucial to communicate and establish boundaries,” adds Lasson.

Examples of Ice Play Scenarios and Activities

One simple yet powerful scenario is placing a cube of ice on sensitive areas like the nipples, inner thighs, or the perineum. This can create a tingling sensation that’s both exciting and unpredictable. “The cold can amplify the sensation of being touched, which can be incredibly erotic,” Santini notes. Another scenario is using ice as a form of impact play—gently striking the ice with a paddle or flogger. The immediate contrast between the cold and the sensation of impact can intensify the physical response and create a unique, memorable experience. For those more advanced, try using ice cubes in bondage situations, where the sudden shock of cold can add a thrilling unpredictability to the scene.

Benefits of Incorporating Ice Play into BDSM Sessions

Incorporating ice play can offer numerous benefits to your BDSM practice. “It adds a new dimension to touch and sensation,” Santini explains. “The contrast between heat and cold can create an electrifying sensation, making every touch feel more intense and pleasurable.” It’s also a great way to explore control and submission, as the giver can dictate the sensations and the receiver must respond to them. Ice play can also help with desensitization techniques, where using cold can reduce sensitivity to pain and allow for longer sessions without discomfort. “It’s about discovering new sensations and how your body reacts to different temperatures,” says Santini, “and this can lead to deeper, more connected play.”

Polling Punishment

Polling punishment is a unique and interactive way to incorporate control and negotiation into BDSM play. It involves using polls or questionnaires to decide on punishments or rewards based on a partner’s behavior or requests. This technique adds an element of unpredictability and engagement, making each session a bit of a game. But how does it actually work, and what are the best ways to integrate it into your play?

What Is Polling Punishment And How It Works In BDSM?

Polling punishment is about using the collective input of partners to decide outcomes within a scene. “It’s a way to bring a democratic element into BDSM,” says Dyachenko. “By involving both partners in the decision-making process, it creates a sense of trust and shared responsibility.” This approach allows for a more tailored experience, where the couple can explore boundaries, preferences, and desires in a consensual manner. The polls can range from simple yes/no questions to more complex questionnaires that cover preferences, limits, and specific scenarios. The idea is to create a space where both partners feel heard and understood, while also adding an element of playfulness to the scene.

The Role of Consensual Control and Negotiation

Polling punishment relies heavily on consensual control and clear communication. “It’s about creating a safe space for both partners to express their desires and boundaries,” explains Lasson. “By using polls, you’re not just deciding punishments or rewards based on someone’s actions— you’re actively engaging with their wants and needs.” This process should be respectful and considerate, ensuring that both partners are comfortable with the decisions being made. It’s crucial to set boundaries beforehand and agree on what is and isn’t allowed. “Polling can be a powerful tool for exploring control dynamics,” says Lasson, “but it’s important to keep communication open and honest to avoid misunderstandings.”

Steps To Implement Polling Punishment in Your Play

To start using polling punishment, decide on the structure of the polls. You can use online survey tools or create simple questionnaires with specific questions related to the scene. For instance, you might ask your partner how strict they want the punishment to be or what they’re comfortable with as a reward. Once the polls are ready, discuss them with your partner and agree on how the results will be used. “Begin with basic yes/no questions to get a feel for how your partner responds,” suggests Santini. “Then, as you become more comfortable, you can incorporate more detailed questions that address specific scenarios or fantasies.” This allows you to tailor the play to your specific desires while keeping things safe and consensual.

Creative Ways to Use Polls for Punishment Or Rewards

Polling punishment can be used in various ways to keep things interesting. For example, if your partner fails to meet a challenge or does something outside the agreed boundaries, you can use a poll to decide the punishment— such as extra spanks, a sensory deprivation session, or writing lines. “The element of surprise can add an exciting twist to your play,” Dyachenko notes. “It’s not just about punishment— it’s about enhancing the experience through control and consent.” On the flip side, polls can also be used for rewards. If your partner completes a task successfully, the poll might decide on a treat like a special meal, a sexy surprise, or an extra dose of playtime. This creates a cycle of effort and reward, keeping each session engaging and motivating.

Examples and Variations for Different Experience Levels

For beginners, start with simple questions—“Do you want to be punished or rewarded?” and “What kind of punishment are you comfortable with?” As confidence grows, you can introduce more complex scenarios. For instance, “If I don’t complete my task correctly, should I receive five extra spanks?” “If I do, do I get a reward like an extra round of play?” As experience builds, try more advanced polling techniques—“Should I wear a blindfold for this session?” or “Should I be tied up while performing a task?” These variations allow both partners to explore different roles and scenarios, keeping the play fresh and dynamic.

Task Oriented

Task-oriented BDSM activities are a unique way to deepen connection and anticipation within your play. By assigning specific tasks or challenges to each other, partners can heighten the sense of anticipation and playfulness, turning each interaction into a game of power and control. This approach not only adds a new layer of excitement but also fosters a deeper connection between partners. But how do you get started with task-oriented play? And what are the psychological benefits of this type of BDSM practice?

Introduction to Task-Oriented BDSM Activities

Task-oriented play involves assigning tasks or challenges to each other within the BDSM framework. These tasks can range from simple instructions to more complex activities that require skill, focus, and follow-through. “It’s about creating a structured environment where each partner has a specific role,” says Dyachenko. “By assigning tasks, you’re not just engaging in physical play—you’re building anticipation, connection, and a sense of control.” These tasks can be anything from physical challenges, like kneeling in a particular position for a set period, to more psychological exercises, such as reciting a script or following detailed instructions. The key is that each task adds a layer of vulnerability and trust, strengthening the bond between partners.

How Tasks Can Heighten Anticipation and Connection

Tasks in BDSM aren’t just about obedience—they’re about deepening the experience. “When you assign tasks, you’re asking your partner to submit to a particular role or challenge,” explains Lasson. “This creates a heightened sense of anticipation and connection because it’s more than just physical—it’s about engaging the mind and emotions.” Completing tasks can create a sense of achievement, which in turn can make the play more fulfilling. “It’s about pushing boundaries and exploring new roles and scenarios,” adds Lasson. “Each task can be seen as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your partner, making the connection stronger and the play more meaningful.”

Examples of Tasks and How to Incorporate Them into Play

Tasks can be as simple or complex as you like, depending on your comfort level and experience. For beginners, start with tasks like kneeling on command or asking for permission before touching. “These tasks introduce the concept of control and obedience in a straightforward way,” says Santini. “They can help build trust and communication between partners.” As you become more comfortable, introduce more complex tasks—reciting a script, following detailed instructions, or performing specific actions like bondage or spanking. Tasks can be tailored to specific desires or fantasies—“The more specific the task, the more intimate and connected the experience,” notes Dyachenko. By incorporating tasks, you’re not just engaging in physical play—you’re creating a narrative, a role play that adds depth to your connection.

The Psychological Benefits of Task-Based Play

Task-oriented play is more than just a fun game—it has psychological benefits that can improve relationships. “Completing tasks can increase feelings of submission and dominance, which can be incredibly fulfilling for both partners,” says Dyachenko. “It’s about exploring different aspects of power dynamics in a consensual way.” This type of play can also enhance communication and understanding between partners, as it requires clear instructions and feedback. “You’re learning to express desires, boundaries, and limits more clearly,” says Santini. “This can help build trust and intimacy, which is crucial in any relationship, BDSM or otherwise.” Task-based play encourages both partners to engage with their desires and needs in a structured, safe way, allowing for growth and exploration within the relationship.

Tips for Making Tasks Safe and Enjoyable

When implementing task-oriented play, it’s important to set clear boundaries and guidelines. “Always have a safe word or signal in place,” advises Katie Lasson. “Make sure both partners are on the same page about what’s acceptable and what’s off-limits.” Start with simple tasks and gradually build up to more complex scenarios. “It’s important to listen to your partner and be responsive to their comfort levels,” says Lasson. “If a task is too challenging or causes discomfort, adjust or stop.” Incorporating breaks and check-ins can help maintain a sense of safety and connection throughout the play. The goal is to make sure that both partners are comfortable and enjoying the experience—task-oriented play should never feel like a chore or a demand.

Reading the Cards

Using a deck of cards in BDSM play is a creative and engaging way to add an element of randomness and excitement to your sessions. This approach combines the thrill of chance with the structured nature of BDSM play, making every session unique. Whether you’re just starting out or you’re a seasoned player, a deck of cards can be a versatile tool to explore new sensations and power dynamics. But how do you use cards in BDSM, and what are the best ways to incorporate them safely?

How to Use a Deck of Cards for BDSM Play

A deck of cards can be used in various ways to determine scenarios, punishments, and rewards in BDSM play. “The deck adds an element of surprise and unpredictability,” says Dyachenko. “It’s about letting fate decide—whether it’s which position to try, what task to perform, or what sensation to experience next.” To use cards, assign different meanings to the suits or numbers. For example, you might use the number on a card to represent the intensity of a punishment or reward, while the suit could correspond to specific activities like bondage (clubs), spanking (hearts), or sensory deprivation (spades). This approach allows for a more playful and spontaneous experience, making each session feel fresh and exciting.

The Variety of Games You Can Play With a Deck of Cards

A deck of cards opens up a wide range of games and scenarios that can be tailored to your desires. “You can create rules that reflect your fantasies or specific scenarios you want to explore,” Dyachenko explains. For example, one simple game is to draw a card and follow the instructions based on the suit. Drawing a heart might mean giving oral pleasure, while a diamond could represent a reward like a special treat. “This randomness can lead to surprising and thrilling outcomes,” says Dyachenko. Another variation is to use the number on the card to dictate the number of times an action is performed—drawing a 5 could mean spanking 5 times, for example. The possibilities are endless, making it easy to find a game that suits your specific needs and preferences.

Suggested Card Games and Scenarios for Different Experiences

For beginners, start with simple games—drawing a card to decide which activity to try or using cards to assign roles. “The thrill of drawing a card and finding out what you’ll do next adds an exciting element of chance,” says Lasson. For example, drawing a club could mean using restraints, while drawing a spade might involve ice play. As you become more comfortable, introduce more complex games—“Using the cards to dictate intensity or role-playing scenarios can take your play to the next level,”Lasson notes. One advanced game could involve using a card to select a task from a list of fantasies or desires, ensuring that each session is tailored to the specific wants and needs of both partners.

The Thrill of Randomness in BDSM Play

The randomness of using a deck of cards can be incredibly arousing for many people. “It’s about embracing the unknown and letting go of control,” says Santini. “The randomness forces you to adapt and respond in ways you might not have expected, which can lead to deeper connection and more intense pleasure.” This element of chance can create a heightened sense of vulnerability and trust, as partners must rely on each other to interpret and follow through with the card’s instructions. “It’s not just about control—it’s about surrendering to the unexpected,” adds Santini. The thrill of not knowing what’s next can keep things exciting and dynamic, making each session feel unique.

Safety Tips for Using Card Games in Play

When using cards in BDSM, it’s important to set clear boundaries and establish safe words. “Always agree on what each card will represent before starting,” advises Katie Lasson. “This ensures that there’s no confusion or misunderstandings during the session.” It’s also crucial to be mindful of your partner’s comfort levels and to check in regularly. If a card draws a response that is too intense or uncomfortable, have a safe word or signal in place to pause or adjust the play. “Communication is key,” says Lasson. “Always talk about what you’re comfortable with and establish limits beforehand.” This will help maintain a sense of control and safety while still allowing for the spontaneity and excitement that cards can bring to BDSM play.

Stranger Role Play

Stranger role play is a thrilling way to add excitement and unpredictability to your BDSM sessions. This practice involves adopting a completely different persona, exploring new identities, and setting the scene for a different kind of interaction. It’s a powerful way to step outside of your comfort zone and experience a deeper connection with your partner. But how do you get started with stranger role play, and what are the benefits? Let’s explore this exciting and sometimes mysterious world of BDSM play.

What Is Stranger Role Play And How To Get Started?

Stranger role play involves adopting a completely new persona—someone different from your usual self. This could be as simple as taking on a different name, dressing in a new outfit, or even acting as if you’re meeting for the first time. “The thrill comes from stepping into a new identity and seeing how your partner responds,” says Dyachenko. “It allows both partners to explore different fantasies and desires in a safe and consensual way.” To get started, choose a setting and a character—someone you’re both comfortable with but different from your usual self. This might be a “dominant businessman,” a “timid schoolgirl,” or a “strict but caring teacher.” The key is to discuss and agree on the role and the boundaries ahead of time, ensuring that it’s safe and consensual for both partners.

Creating a Persona and Setting the Scene for Role Play

Creating a persona for stranger role play involves both imagination and communication. “Start by discussing what kind of scenario you’re interested in exploring,” advises Lasson. “This could be something as simple as switching roles for the evening or adopting a completely new identity.” Setting the scene is crucial to making the role play feel real and engaging. Choose a location that fits the scenario—this could be a hotel room, a different part of your home, or even a public space (with discretion, of course). “The setting can make a big difference,” says Lasson. “It helps to immerse yourself in the role and make it feel more authentic.” From there, plan your dialogue, body language, and interactions to match the character you’ve chosen—whether that’s playful, dominant, submissive, or something in between.

Examples of Stranger Role Play Scenarios to Try

There are countless stranger role play scenarios to explore, each tailored to your desires and fantasies. “Start with simple scenarios like ‘strangers meeting for the first time’ or ‘role reversal for a day,’” Dyachenko suggests. “These can be a great way to ease into stranger play.” One example is a “business meeting gone wrong,” where one partner is the dominant boss and the other is the employee. “The boss could punish the employee for poor performance—using whatever form of control or play you’re comfortable with,” Dyachenko notes. Another scenario could involve a “dominant teacher” and a “disobedient student,” where the teacher must discipline the student in a variety of ways. These scenarios allow both partners to explore power dynamics in a safe, structured environment, and they can be tailored to specific interests and fantasies.

The Benefits of Stepping Into a Different Role in BDSM

Stranger role play offers a unique opportunity to explore new aspects of yourself and your relationship. “It allows you to step outside of your comfort zone and experience different roles and dynamics,” says Dyachenko. “This can be incredibly empowering and can help deepen the connection between partners.” By adopting a new persona, you can challenge your expectations and explore fantasies that might not be possible in your everyday life. “It’s a way to live out different desires and roles in a safe and consensual way,” Dyachenko explains. Stranger role play can also be a form of self-discovery, allowing partners to explore hidden desires and push boundaries in a controlled environment. “The psychological benefits are immense,” adds Dyachenko. “It can lead to greater intimacy, understanding, and trust between partners.”

Safety Guidelines for Engaging In Stranger Role Play

Safety is paramount when engaging in stranger role play. “Always discuss the boundaries and limits before starting,” advises Katie Lasson. “Make sure both partners are comfortable with the roles and scenarios being played out.” It’s important to have a safe word or signal that can be used if either partner feels uncomfortable or overwhelmed. “Communication is key,” says Lasson. “Establishing clear boundaries and checking in regularly will help maintain a safe and enjoyable experience.” It’s also crucial to respect the roles and identities chosen for the play—avoid using real names and ensure that the characters remain consistent throughout the scene. “The thrill comes from the play acting, not the real-life implications,” notes Lasson. By creating a safe and consensual environment, stranger role play can be a powerful and fulfilling addition to your BDSM practice.

The Bottom Line

Stranger role play, task-oriented play, and all the other games we’ve explored—they’re not just about pushing boundaries or discovering new thrills. They’re about tapping into your emotions, letting go of fears, and truly connecting with your partner. You might be thinking, “Is this really for me?” or “Can I handle this?” The answer is, absolutely—you can. By respecting your boundaries, communicating openly, and setting the right limits, these games can deepen your connection and keep your play fresh and exciting. So go ahead, embrace the adventure, and keep the spark alive. This is where you truly discover what you’re capable of in the world of BDSM.