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Kinks and Compromise: Sharing your Fantasies

Kinks and Compromise: Sharing your Fantasies

Content Verification

Katie Lasson
Written by:

Sex and Relationship Adviser
Veronika Matutyte
Medically Reviewed by:

Medical Doctor
Barbara Santini
Fact Checked by:

Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor

✨ Key Points Summary ✨

🎊 Let’s get to the juicy bits of kinks and compromise!

  • 🔍 Explore Together: Discovering new desires can be a delightful adventure—grab a partner and dive in!
  • 💬 Open Communication: Share your fantasies openly; it’s the best way to navigate those thrilling waters.
  • 🤝 Meet Halfway: Compromise is key! Blend your desires to create a blissful experience for both parties.
  • 🌈 Respect Boundaries: Always honour your partner's limits—it's all about pleasure, not pressure.
  • 🎉 Have Fun!: Embrace the journey with a light heart—laughter is the best lubricant for intimacy!

🎓 Expert Advice and Tips 🎓

💡 Our marvellous experts have some golden nuggets for you:

  • ✨ Start Small: Begin with light explorations—there’s no rush when it comes to pleasure!
  • 🗣️ Talk it Out: Regularly check in with each other about comfort levels and interests—communication is key!
  • 🎭 Role Play: Spice things up with a bit of theatrical flair! It can add a fun twist to your usual routine.
  • 🍷 Create the Right Mood: Set the scene with candles, soft music, or a cheeky little cocktail to enhance the experience.
  • 🌟 Celebrate Differences: Your kinks might not align perfectly, and that’s okay—embrace the uniqueness!

Are you comfortable with sharing the same kinks and fantasies with your partner? Do you want to explore each other’s sexual desires, but don’t know how? You can introduce new playmates, talk about your fantasies, and set boundaries with your partner.

A partner of yours might fantasize about being dominated or spanked. Sharing your kinks can be a tricky and demanding subject, especially to someone you love because you don’t want to scare them away. Below are some tips on sharing your kinks and fantasies with your partner safely and healthy if either of you is worried that the other person won’t share the same level of interest or comfort with these activities.

Introducing New Playmates

You may be afraid to share your fantasies with your partner because you are worried that he or she will judge you or it won’t turn them on. People want to be open with their partners about their sexual needs, but sharing is hard. Sharing your fantasies takes trust and vulnerability, which can be scary to show someone you love. You have to be careful when you are introducing kinky matters to the amazing world of kinks and fantasies. 

It is important to pick the right moment to talk about your kink. You don’t want to scare them on the first day; consider a time when both of you are comfortable about sex and can freely talk about what you like them to do. While taking your time to tell them is key, you have to acknowledge that talking about it when you already have such a strong connection with each other might lead to heartbreak for you or your partner if either of you doesn’t take it well. Go with your instincts, showing your partner a few hints is not such a bad idea after all. Ensure they are comfortable and open when talking about matters in the bedroom.

On the D-day, pick a time when you know they are free and in the right mood before telling them. Let them know that you don’t expect a sudden answer and give them time to talk about it. You don’t want to tell your partner about your kinks before you have sex because you are not sure of how they might react.

Talking About Your Fantasies

Everybody worries about rejection and how the person they love may view them when telling them about a crucial matter. Be patient and listen carefully to the question your partner asks when you think it is the right time to tell them about your kinks. understand how they take in the detail that you told them even though you might be dropping hints. It is important to remember that they might not be into the kinks you are into or might need some time to get used to what you want them to do. According to Appel (2012), a good way to ensure you are having a smooth talk with your partner about sharing fantasies is by using safe words during sex. You can decide on certain words like green for a go-ahead, yellow for slow down, and red for stop! These three words will help keep things moving along while also keeping both of you safe.

You can send a short clip of a romantic spank, BDSM, or any other fetish you wish to talk about and ask what they think about it if you are not comfortable with talking to them in person, as Weiss (2006) suggested. Adding a ‘LOL’ at the end of a text might go a long way in your favor if things might not go as you planned, and you can easily turn it into a joke. There are no rules to how you talk to your partner about your fetishes. Reiman (2007) advised that you could use your instincts and read the facial and body language of your partner when talking about the matter.

Setting the Boundaries Together

you should focus on setting boundaries with your partner. It might be less comfortable to have an open conversation about boundaries if you set a boundary that is for one person’s benefit. It may mean talking to yourself until you you feel speaking up is worth risking. Both partners can keep communication fresh and clear by not waiting too long to set boundaries as soon as they're needed. Maintaining good boundaries is a process of reinvention that happens throughout an open relationship—like continuing to check in on what works or what needs to change after some time.

Be aware of what you or your partner is willing to do for fetish's sake, and communicate clearly to avoid confusion, as Graeber (2015) noted. They might be comfortable with watching porn that contains a specific fetish but might not be ready to try it out. They might also be ready to go up to a certain level but might not be ready to go beyond a certain level when a specific kink is concerned. Be open and don’t set a high level of expectations, you might be surprised that both of you love the same fetish and might love trying it out together.

Coming Up With Rules That Work For Partners

Sex is a good example to talk about. Ensure you set a boundary without shutting down communication. Come up with rules that work for your partner. It sounds simple, but it works. Start by saying something like, “I want to talk about some sex issues,  what are some things we both like.” You can make a list on paper if you want to be super organized but try not to get bogged down in detail.

According to Sprott & Benoit Hadcock (2018), ensure you know how important a kink or fetish is to your partner before turning them down. Be sure of how much you can do to satisfy your partner although you might not be into it. Trying out new fetishes might open up a world of sensations you thought you never had.  This is why coming up with rules working for both of you is so important. Maybe one person doesn’t like anal sex at all, while their partner loves it and wants to try it. Instead of arguing about what should happen every time anal sex comes up, try creating a rule that says you can have anal sex once every two weeks. Don’t decide on everything; ensure that both partners are comfortable with whatever agreement you come up with!

Conclusion

The key to a successful relationship is communication. Ensure you communicate with one another about what turns you on or off. This will take some trial and error, but you will find a perfect balance where both of you are happy with your sex life. Ensure to compromise.

References

Appel, H. (2012). Offshore Work: Oil, Modularity, And The How Of Capitalism In Equatorial Guinea. American Ethnologist, 39(4), 692-709.

Graeber, D. (2015). Radical Alterity Is Just Another Way Of Saying “Reality” A Reply To Eduardo Viveiros De Castro. HAU: Journal Of Ethnographic Theory, 5(2), 1-41.

Reiman, T. (2007). The Power Of Body Language: How To Succeed In Every Business And Social Encounter. Simon And Schuster.

Sprott, R. A., & Benoit Hadcock, B. (2018). Bisexuality, Pansexuality, Queer Identity, And Kink Identity. Sexual And Relationship Therapy, 33(1-2), 214-232.Weiss, M. D. (2006). Mainstreaming Kink: The Politics Of BDSM Representation In US Popular Media. Journal Of Homosexuality, 50(2-3), 103-132.

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