WHAT'S A MASOCHIST, AND AM I ONE?

A sexual masochist gets pleasure and satisfaction from being hurt or controlled by someone else. Below is a detailed discussion of a masochist and how to know if you are one, including being attracted to narcissists.

According to Labrecque et al. (2021), a masochist is someone who gets pleasure from being hurt by another person. Masochism has been associated with sex and particularly BDSM. De Neef et al. (2019) stated that BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. This type of masochist in regards to BDSM mostly goes hand in hand with submissiveness and dominance. On the other hand, Baumeister (2014) described a psychological masochist as one who causes torture and indignity, which can be unhealthy. How can you tell if you are a masochist?

Psychological Masochist

There are characteristics that are portrayed by an emotional masochist. These can be unhealthy and such individuals are advised to seek therapy. The main cause of such a personality, also known as the self-defeating personality, comes from the struggles a child goes through when growing up with an over-controlling parent. The individual inflicts this type of pain on themselves. The following are signs that might show that you have a masochistic personality.

Always Strive for Perfection

You can know you are a masochist if you are hooked on perfection in whatever you do and feel humiliated when you mess up. Moreover, you fear being perceived as imperfect or not doing enough.

Attracted to Narcissists

You are a masochist if you always end up in abusive relationships or go back to people who have hurt you. You always go back to those who humiliate and shame you. Moreover, you get bored when there is no drama in the relationship and tend to break up or end relationships that seem easy.

You Work Yourself To Exhaustion

You are a masochist if you beat yourself up to exhaustion in everything you do. Moreover, you must stick to your routines, push yourself beyond limits to achieve your targets, and feel bad about failing to do whatever you want. Having discipline and goals is not bad but pushing yourself beyond limits and abusing yourself to achieve them is unhealthy.

You Cannot Say No, and You Please People

You find it hard to take a stand on yourself, and you become a people pleaser, even if it does not make you feel good inside. Moreover, you are always about rescuing others even if it is strenuous for you. On the other hand, you refuse all efforts to help you. It is always good to do what we can and look after ourselves some time. Review your motivation for helping others if you don't want to be a masochist.

You Tend To Refuse Gifts or Good Things

You are a masochist if you cannot accept that you deserve good things. You find a way not to acknowledge blessings and refuse gifts from your loved ones

You Feel Unloved

You are always pushing to prove yourself worthy and, at the same time criticizing everything you do. You attack yourself and only view the negative aspects of yourself.

Seeking therapy can help one better understand why they feel and act the way they do and how to deal with these unhealthy habits. A therapist can also give a better diagnosis and the correct guideline to combat emotional masochism. It is also wise to heal our pasts and not let anything steal our joy for the present. Always know it is okay to be imperfect, and there is no need to self-sabotage.

Sexual Masochist

According to Kamping et al. (2016), sexual masochistic individuals are aroused when subjected to pain, humiliation, beating, being bound, or any other form of suffering. With consent, masochism can be used for sexual gratification and is mostly a kink. However, masochism can become a disorder if it affects other aspects of your life, like work and relationships. But why would someone derive pleasure from an existential amount of pain?

A study was done to find out why some individuals are sexually appealed to pain and humiliation. It was noted that masochism is common to individuals who had gone through similar situations like restrains in childhood or growing up but not necessarily child sexual abuse. The practice is also common to those with a higher sex drive than normal. However, reasons for practicing masochism were concluded as:

Power Play

BDSM mostly involves an exchange of power. One person feels powerful, and the other is drained of power. This can be achieved by role-playing, being physically bound, or both. Masochists achieve sexual pleasure by giving up power.

The Altered State Of Trance

The study showed that pain received during consensual sexual acts could lead to a trance or an altered state of mind. According to the study, masochists can reach a hypnotic state more than normal people. In such a state, they feel euphoric like others feel in religious or ritual practices.

Leisure

Though an uncommon way to find relaxation, masochists use the activity to reach a state of mindfulness like what is advocated in psychology. Masochism is sorted out to escape the world's chaos and explore the soul.

Conclusion

Masochism is the enjoyment of being subjected to pain and humiliation. When on the extreme masochism, it can affect an individual personal life in regards to their relationship with others and day-to-day life. Psychological masochism is not healthy, and such individuals need to take the steps needed to have a healthy life. Sexual masochists, on the other hand, find arousal and pleasure in giving up power and using it to relax or reach an altered state of mind. However, consent should be clearly sought for individuals who practice masochism.

References

Labrecque, F., Potz, A., Larouche, É., & Joyal, C. C. (2021). What is so appealing about being spanked, flogged, dominated, or restrained? Answers from practitioners of sexual masochism/submission. The Journal of Sex Research, 58(4), 409-423.

De Neef, N., Coppens, V., Huys, W., & Morrens, M. (2019). Bondage-discipline, dominance-submission and sadomasochism (BDSM) from an integrative biopsychosocial perspective: A systematic review. Sexual Medicine, 7(2), 129-144.       

Baumeister, R. F. (2014). Masochism and the self. Psychology Press.

Kamping, S., Andoh, J., Bomba, I. C., Diers, M., Diesch, E., & Flor, H. (2016). Contextual modulation of pain in masochists: involvement of the parietal operculum and insula. Pain, 157(2), 445.